Campout
by Fowl Star 57
Summary: Artemis Fowl and his family, the Butlers, and the fairies . . . going camping! What is this? Awful summary but please R&R. NOT A ROMANCE. Read. WOO-HOO!
1. A Little Invitation

**2/20/12 - **

**Hola, hola! This is my first fanfiction so I hope it doesn't suck too badly. I probably would have edited it more but the site hasn't had a lot of updates recently so I thought I should hurry it up. **

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Artemis Fowl, I would be busy making sure that The Last Guardian was NOT the final book. But I'm writing this now, so obviously I don't own Artemis Fowl.**

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><p>It was a hot and sunny mid-August day, so naturally Artemis Fowl II was locked up in his study. The door and windows were open to let in some sunlight, however, at his mother's demand. He was busy working on remodeling his Ice Cube, which had been destroyed shortly after he developed Atlantis Complex. Now, one year later, he was 16 years old and completely cured of the disease (and Orion, something he and Holly both thanked God for). Artemis was about three quarters of the way done with reconstructing the blueprints when that window on his computer closed itself, to be replaced by a video chat request. <strong>Short, Holly <strong>popped up on the Caller ID display.

_She's lucky I saved that file, _thought Artemis as he clicked on **ACCEPT**.

"Hey, Mud Boy," said Holly. "I heard the weather is great up there today. Shouldn't you be outside or something?"

"I prefer the 'or something' part of that question," replied Artemis. "Besides, you knew that I wouldn't be outside. Otherwise you would have contacted me by my communicator, not my computer."

"Spare us the lecture," muttered Trouble, but not quite quiet enough that it wasn't picked up by Foaly's super-sensitive microphone.

"Very well," began Artemis. "I see that Trouble-"

"Commander Kelp," interjected Trouble.

"I see_ Commander Kelp _is present, but Holly is smiling, so . . . there's a crisis and you're happy about it?" he finished.

"Nothing so melodramatic, for once," replied Holly. "Just a little invitation."

"To do what?" asked Artemis. "Go to Haven?"

"Yeah, like Trouble would ever let Artemis Fowl into Haven without the fate of the world depending on it," smiled Foaly.

"He's right, for once," said Trouble. "You're not coming anywhere near here unless Koboi returns or your Complex comes back."

"What is that noise?" asked Holly, before Artemis had a chance to reply. "It sounds like snoring."

"That," said Artemis, turning the computer so, while he was still visible, the large, tan dog napping by the door was, too, "is my family's new dog."

"A bullmastiff!" Foaly cackled, "A bullmastiff! Whose bright idea was it to get Artemis Fowl a bullmastiff?"

"My father's" answered Artemis.

"What's its name?" asked Trouble.

"Orion," said Artemis.

Upon hearing its name, the dog woke up, yawned, then walked out of the room.

"Why did you name him that?" asked Foaly.

"Because he's just about as annoying," said Artemis. "He follows me everywhere. _Everywhere_. He always needs attention and if you ignore him he'll just keep barking until you pet him. He is also very protective of my mother, and if I remember correctly, Orion had a thing for protecting ladies, too."

Everyone laughed.

"Okay, let's get back to what I was saying," said Holly after the laughter had died down. "We're all off of work next week-"

"I have a feeling that I'm going to regret that," put in Trouble.

"-And Caballine is going to the spa for a week while Foaly's kids are in summer school-"

"Your kids are in summer school?" Artemis snickered.

"They only failed art and gym!" Foaly said, offended.

"_Alright_," said Holly. "As I was saying, we were all going to come up to the surface and go camping for a week at Camart Valley. Mulch and No1 are coming, and we-"

"Meaning Holly," interrupted Trouble.

"-Were wondering if you, the Butlers, and your family wanted to tag along."

His family, friends with the People. Artemis wasn't sure if he would ever get used to that. His mother (without his consent) had told his father and brothers _everything _the second she hung up on Butler when he told her Artemis had Atlantis Complex. Myles and Beckett had taken it well, whereas Artemis Senior had refused to believe her and almost had a panic attack when he saw the massive shuttle pull up the driveway to bring her to Atlantis. After he had calmed down sufficiently, he was allowed to come as well, leading the hospital loading dock staff to have a panic attack when a grown-up version of Artemis Fowl had walked out of the shuttle. Since then, visits from the People had become more frequent. Beckett and Mulch had taken a particular liking in each other, and enjoyed playing in the mud in the backyard together.

"How are _fairies_ supposed to stay at a _human_ campsite unnoticed?" Artemis asked, avoiding the question.

"With these," said Foaly, holding up what appeared to be a handful of American quarters. "No1 enchanted them with a shape-shifting spell. When a fairy presses down on George Washington, they'll look just like any other human until they press the head again, as long as they keep the coin in their hand or pocket or something. Plus, they only need a drop of magic to jump start them. They-"

"So, are you coming?" asked Holly again, cutting off Foaly's lecture.

"Umm . . ." began Artemis.

"We'd love to come!" exclaimed a voice from behind him.

Artemis whipped around to see Angeline and Artemis Senior standing in the doorway. He shot the fairies a withering glare for not telling him that they were there, as they had obviously been listening for a while now and could easily have been seen over his shoulder.

"Mother," he began. "Do you really think that this is the best idea? I mean, Father probably has business to attend to-"

"Nonsense," said Artemis Senior said, entering the study. "I can take some time off. Besides, I don't think the twins, or you, for that matter, have ever been camping before."

"Okay, so caravan, cabin, or tent?" asked Angeline.

_Caravan, Caravan, Caravan, _thought Artemis desperately.

"Tent," said Holly, smiling evilly at Artemis.

Artemis groaned.

As his parents began discussing the details of the trip with the fairies, Artemis snuck out of the room, noticing that Trouble seemed to be in a much better mood than at the beginning of the conversation.

Sticking his head into the next room, his brothers', on his way past, he discovered both of them, Juliet, and Butler-_Butler_, for God's sake- kneeling on Myles's bed with their ears pressed against the wall that adjoined to his study. Unfortunately for him, only the door was soundproof.

Noticing Artemis, Butler immediately pulled away. The twins barely spared him a glance before returning their focus to the voices on the other side of the wall.

Juliet cocked an eyebrow. "Camping? Really?"

Artemis cocked his eyebrow. "Eavesdropping? Really?"

With that, Artemis continued down the hallway to his room. He flopped down on his back on his bed. Tent camping. For a whole week. He felt as if he could already feel his body start to ache at the thought of sleeping on the ground for a week.

Then his body actually began to ache when a 40 pound bullmastiff jumped onto the bed with him, landing on his chest.

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><p><strong>Well, there you have it. Poor Arty, having to camp. <strong>

**Anyhoo, you people should review. Even if you just write 'Yay' or something short like that. If you review, I'll mention in the Author's note at the beginning of the next chapter. If you're my first ever reviewer, I'll put a smiley face next to your name like this :-D**

**Also, there is a poll on my profile with options of what kind of havoc I should incorporate into the story. I hope to do one disaster per chapter.**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	2. Getting Started

**2/25/12 - **

**I'm back. And I have another chapter written, of course! Thank you to:**

_**HollyArty foeva **_**:-D (good luck getting an account)**

_**LEPrecon**_** :P **

**My mom **

_**2white**_** (I guess great minds think alike) **

_**Athena Coral Fowl **_

_**Crystall **_

_**bkaddictjk **_

_**WolfButler **_**(thanks for letting me know I can make mental images, as I really sucked at that last year)**

_**Harry Artemis Jackson **_

_**Hope Diamond **_

_**Luna Kelly **_

**FOR BEING MY FIRST EVER REVIEWERS!****And to: **

_**A**__**thena Coral Fowl**_** - for making me a Favorite Author **

_**draco-rex - **_**for putting me on Author Alert **

_**WolfButler**_** – for putting this on Story Alert **

_**Hope Diamond**_** – for putting this on Story Alert **

_**Luna Kelly**_** – for making this a Favorite Story**

**DISCLAIMER: Still writing, still don't own him.**

**Okay, **_**Story Time!**_

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><p><em>One week later <em>. . .

Artemis sat in the back of a rented minivan on the way to an area near Rathdown Park, in Wicklow, where they were to pick up the fairies. They had been forced to rent a 5-seat minivan, as the Bentley did not have enough trunk space for all of their materials. Actually, they had been forced to rent two. Butler was trailing them in the second van, with Juliet in the passenger seat. Of course, Butler had wanted to drive with Artemis, but Angeline had insisted that each family ride together.

Artemis was wishing that his mother had permitted him to ride with Butler and Juliet (and soon to be the fairies), as at the moment one side of his face was pressed up against the cold window while the other was pressed against Myles's. Myles was frantically pushing Artemis up against the window in an attempt to get away from Beckett, who had managed to smuggle a worm into the car and was currently dangling it in front of his face. Myles didn't like worms.

"MUM!" he screeched. "Make Beckett stop it!"

"Please do," begged Artemis, his voice a little distorted from having his mouth pressed to the glass.

Angeline turned to face her sons from the passenger seat and saw what Beckett was holding.

"BECKETT FOWL, YOU GET RID OF THAT WORM THIS INSTANT!"

Angeline didn't like worms either.

"Okay," smiled Beckett, gently tossing the worm out of the window onto the grass, then looking back to make sure it had landed safely.

Artemis eased himself away from the window and had just begun getting comfortable when Orion, who had been on the floor, jumped onto the seat, laying his head on Artemis's lap.

_As if this car wasn't crowded enough, _thought Artemis as he looked distastefully down at the dog and wished harder to be in Butler's car.

Artemis glanced out the window and saw Butler and Juliet behind them. Juliet was nodding her head with her eyes closed and her mouth moving exaggeratedly while Butler was wearing a pained expression. She was obviously singing along to whatever song she had blaring on the radio. Reading her lips, Artemis decided that she was singing _Give Your Heart A Break_ by the American singer, Demi Lovato.

_Maybe this car isn't so bad, _he reflected, wincing as the notes from the pop music Juliet had been playing earlier that week made their way to the front of his mind.

Five minutes after they arrived at the meeting site in Wicklow, a shuttle unshielded and landed next to them. Holly, Trouble, No1, Foaly and Mulch walked out. Well, Holly and Trouble walked out. The others stumbled out with slightly green faces. Mulch actually collapsed to the ground, causing No1 to trip over him. Foaly clung to a tree for support.

"I'm sorry were late," said Holly, embracing Artemis, Butler, Angeline, and Juliet in turn. "The flight we were on was overbooked, so we had to get our own shuttle. On the bright side, I broke the airspeed record on the way over here."

"Yes, you certainly did," gasped Mulch, easing himself off of the ground.

"Where's your camping stuff?" asked Myles.

"In the back of the shuttle," said Foaly.

Trouble was warily eying Orion, who currently sniffing his hand. Even on all four legs, Orion was still around the same height as Trouble.

"I'll go get them," he said, slowly backing away from the dog.

After everything was loaded into the trunk, they left for the campsite. The shuttle was left shielded behind a thick wall of shrubs half a mile from their meeting place. The ride to the campsite was not very comfortable for the fairies. Due to the fact that the van only had three seats in back, Holly and Mulch had to share a seat. So did Trouble and No1. Foaly, on the other hand, had a seat to himself, but because he had four legs, he needed to use his shape-shifting coin to appear human. He now looked like a slim, middle-aged man with short, light brown hair and a beard.

The van was peaceful for the first thirty seconds, until Mulch decided that he didn't have enough room and that shoving Holly into the window was a good way to get more. Holly waited exactly zero seconds before pushing him back about five times harder. He crashed into Trouble, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened after that.

_At least this ride won't be too boring_, thought Juliet as she watched the fight continue in the rear view mirror.

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><p><em>2 hours later <em>. . .

They arrived at the campsite at around 1 pm. The Fowls had chosen the site that was the farthest away from any other campers so that the fairies would get to spend the majority of the time looking like themselves. Foaly had turned back into a centaur as soon as he had exited the car, and Butler had begun to unload the trunks of the vans. Holly healed Foaly's cuts and bruises from the fight in the car. No1 had healed Mulch's after Holly and Trouble had flat-out refused, arguing that he had started the fight so his injuries were his problem.

"Alright," said Angeline, after everything had been unloaded. "We have a lot of worked to do before nightfall, so we're going to have to split up. I chose the groups by pairing people together who could probably go a few hours without killing each other. "

_Well, that rules out most of the possibilities_, thought Artemis.

"So here are the pairs," continued Angeline. "Mulch and No1, you two will tie the food up to a tree in the clearing that's just around the corner. Then, look around for kindling or dry leaves to help start a fire tonight. Butler and Juliet, you'll pitch the tents and watch the twins. Myles and Beckett will stay here and when the firewood starts to get here you can build the fire. _Build_, not _light_. Timmy and I will go buy some big logs for a campfire, then come back and help unpack everything. Trouble and Foaly can go down to creek and get water to put out the fire and big rocks to put around the fire pit. Holly and Arty, you can go look for firewood. We need sticks to help get it burning or for a small morning fire. Okay, that's it, let's get started."

With that, the partners split up to get their work done.

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><p><strong>Okay, there you have it. It's like 10:30 at night now, so I apologize for any mistakes because I'm too lazy to read this through. My plan is to write about one or two pairs a chapter, depending on how long their story takes.<strong>

**Alright, reviews are appreciated, and I'll mention you in my next chapter if you do. You could also give me ideas *cough, disasters, cough* to incorporate into my story. **

**P.S. Happy Birthday, James and Oliver Phelps (Weasley Twins)!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P **


	3. Crawfish Are Creepy

**3/10/12 – **

**Okay, I'm here. Again. Sooooo, here we go. This part is about Trouble and Foaly. For all those who don't remember and/or don't feel like looking back to see what they were doing, I'll just refresh your memories now. Trouble and Foaly were told to go down to the creek to get a bucket of water and some large stones to use to make a ring around the soon-to-be campfire.**

**And now, thank you to:**

_**Luna Kelly**_

_**2whitie **_

_**Nathaniel**_

_**Harry Artemis Jackson**_

_**LEPrecon**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**Captain Holly Short 16**_**,****or as I hear you go by now, **_**The Black Rose 98**_

_**bkaddictjk**_

_**Hope Diamond**_

_**sunfall**_

_**LunaLovegood167**_

_**Troublelover16**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

**For the reviews. Also to:**

_**The Black Rose 98**_** – for making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert.**

_**SirGambit**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**ilovemybunnyrabbit**_** – for making this a Favorite Story **

_**DarkeRose **_**– for putting this on Story Alert. **

_**LunaLovegood167**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author **

_**Troublelover16 – **_**for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert.**

**_BLURPENSKIRF boom_– for making this a Favorite Story**

**You people make me smile (and get up to check my e-mail). I hope to hear from you all soon! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own a laptop, not a criminal mastermind.**

**Okay, here comes the part that you all actually care about!**

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><p>Trouble and Foaly were currently walking alongside a creek at the campsite. The creek surrounded the whole camp, and eventually led into a lake. It was generally shallow, only about a foot deep in most places. Although, in some places, the creek would drop off without warning, producing depths of eight to ten feet. Foaly and Trouble realized this after wading in what they thought was shallow water, then spotting a large catfish lazily swimming around in seven foot deep water about ten paces to their left. This was the reason that they were walking next to the creek, not in it.<p>

Trouble and Foaly both looked like humans. Trouble now resembled a tall, thin man in his late twenties with short, messy, dark brown hair. He still had purple eyes. He was wearing a black and red Nike's muscle shirt, black and red swim trunks, and flip-flops. Foaly looked the same as he did in the car, except now he was also wearing flip-flops and had on green and black swim trunks instead of jeans. They had already gotten a few buckets of water and dropped them back off at the camp. They currently had four more buckets to fill with big rocks, which was what they were looking for now.

Trouble, now bored after walking so far and finding nothing, began to lob one of his empty pails higher and higher, seeing how many times he could make it flip in the air before catching it.

"You know, eventually that's going to get stuck in a tree if you keep throwing it that high," commented Foaly, his eyes following the plastic container's path in the sky.

"It'll be fine," Trouble replied, tossing the bucket even higher into the trees to prove Foaly wrong. He put out his hands to catch it when it came back down.

It didn't come back down.

"Told you," smirked Foaly.

The bucket's handle was caught on a branch, which would have been fine, had said branch not have been twenty feet above their heads.

"Just shut up and help me get it down," said Trouble, scooping up a few stones.

Trouble regained possession of his bucket seven minutes and thirty five throws later.

"Impressive," said Foaly, surveying the bucket's fourteen new dents.

"You know," said Trouble, sticking his hand inside the pail to pop out the dents, "at least half of these dents are from the rocks you threw."

"Which I wouldn't have needed to throw if you hadn't gotten the thing stuck in a tree in the first place," countered Foaly.

"Hey, look, there are some rocks," said Trouble, hastily changing the subject.

"Where?" asked Foaly, looking around.

"Across the creek. See them under the water?" said Trouble, pointing to them.

"Oh," said Foaly. He took three steps into the creek to cross, and the water immediately rose up to his knees.

"Okay," he said, as he backed out. "We're not going that way."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," replied Trouble, searching for another route. A few seconds later, he found one. "Let's go that way."

A yard away was a fallen tree. It basically made a bridge across the deep part of the creek. It was just about as thick as an adult human foot. Plus, the tree forked out at the beginning of the side of the creek that they were on, so two people could walk on it at once.

"Are you crazy!" exclaimed Foaly. "I'm still getting used to walking on two feet! I can't walk across that!"

"Do you have a better idea?" Trouble asked, putting one foot on the left side of the fork to test its strength.

"Yes, actually," answered Foaly. "We could walk ten feet to that shallow part and cross there."

"No, I'm already on the log. You can be a baby and go over there if you want to."

Foaly didn't appreciate being called a baby, but there was no way he was going to embarrass himself by probably having to crawl across that tree.

"I will," said Foaly, walking towards the shallow stretch of the creek. "Have fun on your slippery little bridge."

"It's not slippery," said Trouble, moonwalking across the limb to show off to Foaly. Not that Foaly was watching. Foaly was already halfway across the creek.

A disadvantage of moonwalking was that Trouble was walking backwards, so he couldn't see the spot on the log that had recently been splashed with water due to the day's high winds.

"**D'ARVIT!**"Trouble screamed as he slipped.

Foaly heard the curse followed by a very loud splash, and turned to find Trouble submerged up to his chin. He would have gone all the way under, but he had fallen to the right, in between the two branches of the fork, and had flung out his arms on the way down to catch himself.

"Nice job," snickered Foaly, almost falling into the creek from laughing so hard.

"Shut . . . up . . . Ponyboy," grunted Trouble, hoisting himself out of the water and onto the log, then crawling across. He was completely drenched.

Foaly continued to laugh while Trouble walked over. With every step, Trouble vigorously shook whatever leg he was lifting, trying in vain to dry off. Foaly laughed until he ran out of air. Then Trouble punched him.

"Just pick up the rocks and let's get out of here. I need to change. It's really cold."

"Now who's the baby?" asked Foaly, earning a glare from Trouble, who was too busy picking up rocks to hit him.

With Trouble's new motive for collecting rocks at top speed, they had filled up three buckets with good-sized stones in only fifteen minutes. Then Foaly flipped over large rock in the creek.

"D'ARVIT!" he yelled, dropping the rock and jumping back in shock.

"What?" asked Trouble, wading over. "Whoa!"

Sticking out from under the stone that Foaly had dropped was a crawfish claw that was at least the length of his pinkie finger. They had encountered a few before, but this was by far the biggest.

"Should we try to catch it?" asked Trouble.

"NO! Why would we try?" asked Foaly.

"Because, nobody will believe that we saw one this big unless they see it themselves," said Trouble matter-of-factly.

"Fine," relented Foaly. "One try."

"Okay," said Trouble. "Get that bucket. Oh, and Foaly?"

"What?" he asked, coming back with the bucket.

"Do you know how to catch a crawfish?"

Foaly sighed.

"Do I know how to catch a crawfish? I've patented countless inventions, outsmarted Opal Koboi more than once, _and_ helped save the world on multiple occasions, and you don't know if I know how to do something as simple as catch a crawfish?"

"I was looking for a 'yes' or 'no' answer," said Trouble.

"Yes," said Foaly. Then he muttered, "My genius is so unappreciated."

"So, what do I do?" asked Trouble.

"Pick up a stone or something. I'm going to hold this bucket behind the crawfish. What people don't know is that crawfish swim backwards. When you jab the stone down in front of it, you'll scare it, and it will launch itself backwards, into the bucket. Simple."

"Okay," said Trouble, picking up a stone, then carefully overturning the rock that the crawfish was hiding under. "Ready?"

"Yep," said Foaly, standing behind the animal and lining up the bucket. "And . . . NOW!"

Trouble slammed the rock down. True to Foaly's prediction, the crawfish catapulted backwards towards the bucket. It would have gone in, but Foaly hadn't set the bucket down completely, and the crawfish went under it. Thinking it went inside, Foaly lifted the bucket out of the water.

"Hey," he said, confused. "Where'd it go?"

"It's on your foot!" said Trouble.

Foaly screamed and jumped out of the creek, kicking the creature off his foot, where it scampered under another rock.

Now it was Trouble's turn to crack up.

"You scream like a pixie," he laughed, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Shut up, crawfish are creepy," said Foaly, pouting. "Three buckets of rocks is enough. If not, Myles will make it work. He's a genius, too. Let's go."

When they got back to camp, Trouble was still soaking wet, but he was still laughing. The tents were pitched, but one looked like it had duct tape on it. Trouble and Foaly turned into fairies again.

"Here are the rocks," called Foaly to the twins.

They squealed with delight and ran over. They took the buckets with the stone and sat down in the grass, dumping them all out and getting to work. Butler and Juliet walked over. The humans and fairies looked at each other curiously for a second.

"Why does that tent have duct tape on it?" asked Foaly.

At the same time, Butler and Juliet asked their questions.

"Why were you laughing?" Juliet asked Trouble.

"Why are you dripping wet?" asked Butler.

Upon hearing each other's questions, everyone's faces darkened.

"I don't want to talk about it," they all answered in unison.

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><p><strong>And there you have it. Chapter 3. Typed up all nice. And . . . I didn't even mess up my manicure while doing it! YAY! I'm trying and failing miserably to make the chapters go in some sort of chronological order because eventually it looks like they'll all loop together, like Trouble and Foaly getting back to camp with the Butlers and the twins. Unfortunately, most of the things that go on with the other pairs happen simultaneously, so I'll try to give you a heads-up in the beginning of the next chapters for the timing. I'm planning that the next chapter will either be about Mulch and N<strong>**o****1 or Myles and Beckett. **

**I apologize for mistakes, once more, it's 11 pm, and I'm trying to proofread and watch **_**Jack and Jill**_** at the same time. **_**Jack and Jill**_** is getting more of my attention. **

**Okay, so, um, review please. I'll mention you in the next chapter's author's note if you do! I always like to see new names!**

**It's that time again. Spring Ahead. Grrrr. One less hour of sleep. Now, how does that help anyone? I mean, really! I can already feel myself getting into a bad mood.**

**That's it for now. **

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	4. Those Nice, Weird People

**4/10/12 - **

**Okay, here we go again. I'm so happy! I got a Barnes & Noble gift card for Easter, so I've preordered **_**Artemis Fowl and the Last Guardian**_**. I'M SO EXCITED! YAY! Also, I'm sorry this took so long. If you want excuses, read the reviews, that's where I put them. Basically, I'll be pretty busy until early May, so possible scarce updating until then. But I'll try.**

**Anyways, I said at the end of the last chapter that I would make this one about Myles and Beckett or Mulch and N****o****1. Th****is about Mulch and N****o****1. Myles and Beckett tie in better with the Butlers' chapter, so I'm trying to keep them closer. Mulch and No1 were getting kindling and tying the food up in a tree. Before the story starts - **

**Thank you to:**

_**bkaddictjk**_

_**Luna Kelly**_

_**Harry Artemis Jackson**_

_**SUNFALL**_

_**Agent James Smith**_

_**I have no soul**_

_**Necro Rose**_

**_BLURPENSKIRF boom _(Look at the reviews for this story; I replied to your review there)**

_**LunaLovegood167**_

_**citygurl1515**_

_**kayli**_

_**Cynthiafowl**_

_**pearlgirl97**_

_**Francesco's Girl xx**_

_**Silver Tiger 123**_

**For the reviews. Also thanks to:**

_**bkaddictjk**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**LEPrecon **_**– for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Agent James Smith **_**– for making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom **_**– for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**pearlgirl97 **_**– for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Francesco's Girl xx– **_**for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** for putting me on Author Alert. **

_**Silver Tiger 123 – **_**for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**cubaluv – **_**for making this a Favorite Story.**

**Disclaimer (Referring to me owning Artemis Fowl (and this definition; I got it from )) – A repudiation or denial of responsibility or connection.**

**Alrighty then, on with the story!**

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><p><em>Ten minutes after everyone split up . . .<em>

Mulch and No1 had arrived at the clearing that Angeline had specified. Because Butler had dropped them off with the food, it had only taken one trip to get everything there (and because Mulch had a few 'snacks' along the way, but come on, who didn't see that one coming?). Mulch had offered to drive at first, but Holly, Artemis, and Juliet had immediately objected. No1 hadn't understood most of what they had said because they were all talking at once, but he caught the words "Spiro" and "no brakes." It was a good enough argument for him, and apparently for Mr. and Mrs. Fowl too, who were the ones paying for the car, as they had instructed Butler to drive.

So now Mulch and No1 were standing in front of a very large pile of food looking like humans. Mulch looked about thirty-five, and he was wearing a white T-shirt, jeans, and white, now brown, sneakers. He was overweight and had a long, dark brown beard. No1 looked around twenty, had short, messy, straw-colored hair, and was wearing a grey Under Armour muscle shirt, black basketball shorts, and white and black sneakers.

They just stood there staring at the food, and the bag to put it in, for two minutes.

"Uhhh, shouldn't we tie that up now?" asked No1.

"You can. I'm not going to try to tie that into a tree. I have a better idea," said Mulch, digging through the supposedly empty bag.

"But Mrs. Fowl said to –", argued No1.

"I doesn't matter what Mrs. Fowl said to do," cut off Mulch, emerging from the sack with a Velcro bag. Then cringed at the afterthought: _Ew, I sound like Trouble_.

"Okay, so what's your plan?" asked No1.

"Simple," answered Mulch as he put down the bag. "I, uh, _borrowed_ this from Foaly. It's a pop-up tent. A slightly modified version of what Artemis and Butler used while they were on stakeout when Artemis was twelve, according to Foaly, at least. Now, back up."

No1 obeyed and Mulch, who had also backed away, pulled the cord that was attached to the bag. There was a loud pop, and suddenly there was a large screen tent at the edge of the clearing. In no time, they had all the food loaded into shelter and it had been zipped up. With Foaly's modification, it, along the food inside, had been shielded, too.

"Well, that's it then," said Mulch.

"Let's go look for kindling, dry twigs, tinder," suggested No1. He had gotten better at not using synonyms, but he still slipped into his old habit sometimes.

"Why don't you start doing that while I go to the bathroom," said Mulch, walking toward the latrine at the other edge of the clearing. Artemis and his father had looked like they were about to throw up when that part of the trip had been revealed.

"Okay," said No1 as Mulch closed the door.

Twenty five minutes later No1 had gathered enough kindling to last the whole trip. Mulch was still in the bathroom. No1 leaned against a tree, thoroughly bored, until he heard music coming from somewhere deeper in the woods. He listened for a few minutes, then curiosity got the best of him and he disappeared into the woods to find its source.

No1 had only walked for thirty seconds before he emerged at another campsite. There was a splatter painted RV parked in it. A family, consisting of two parents, a twelve year old boy, and a five year old girl, was sitting outside of the trailer on a picnic table playing a guitar and singing songs.

"That's really nice music!" No1 called to them from the edge of the forest.

They stopped and looked up at him.

"Thank you," said the mother, smiling.

"Do you want to come sit with us?" asked the little girl, a hopeful smile lighting her face. She loved making new friends.

"I don't know. I should probably be getting back to my friends," he said.

"Come on, a few minutes wouldn't hurt," said father. "I'm Liam, by the way. This is my wife, Lena, and my kids, Simon and Alexa."

"Nice to meet you," said No1, sitting down on the bench. "My name is N–" he paused. Artemis had warned the fairies that most of their names were too unusual to be classified as human. He thought fast. "-ed. Ned."

"Hi, Ned," said Simon. "Where are you from?"

"Um, I live really far away from here," answered No1. What was he supposed to say, I live in a secret place for mythical creatures called Haven, near Earth's core? "How about you?" he asked to avoid any questions about his vague answer.

"We live on road, in our RV. Liam and I both work from home, and the kids are homeschooled," replied Lena.

"That sounds fun," said No1.

"It's the best!" said Alexa. "It's like a non-stop vacation, and we're never separated for more than four hours!"

"That's so nice. You all must be very close," said No1, smiling. He liked these people. They were so nice. Surely, Mulch would be fine without him for a while. He probably hadn't even noticed that he was gone yet.

_Meanwhile at the clearing . . . _

"No1? No1!" yelled Mulch. "Where are you?"

Mulch was in so much trouble. He had come out of the latrine to find No1 gone. He looked around, but he couldn't find him anywhere. Foaly had pulled Mulch aside before they left and made it very clear that No1 was his responsibility, as he was barely more than a child. If anything happened to No1, it was on Mulch.

And now the most powerful warlock alive was missing on Mulch's watch.

He could be anywhere by now. He could have left thirty seconds ago, or he could have left an hour ago. Mulch had no idea.

_I'm so dead! _he thought as he continued to call No1's name. _He's wandering around somewhere in the woods, all alone. You know who else wanders around in the woods? Serial killers. Serial killers wander around in the woods. Oh my God, I need to find him!_

Mulch leaned against a tree and took a few breaths to calm himself down. Then he heard something in the background. Listening carefully, he could just make out the faint sound of . . . country music? What?

_I bet N__o__1would like that. Oh, duh! _

Mulch took off full speed towards the music. After about fifteen seconds of running, he came into another campsite. Looking around, he saw a splatter painted RV and a family singing together on a picnic bench, with No1 in the middle. These people were seriously weird. He had to get No1 out of there.

"Hey, there you are!" he called to No1, walking towards him. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Hi!" No1 called back. "I've been with these people. This is Liam, Lena, Simon, and Alexa."

"Nice to meet you. We need to go now," Mulch said, grabbing No1 by the arm.

"Uh, okay," said No1. "Hey!" he called over his shoulder. "Maybe you guys could join us for-"

"BYE!" interrupted Mulch, dragging No1 back into the forest. The family smiled and waved them goodbye.

"Don't disappear like that again!" said Mulch when they got back to clearing.

"Sorry," said No1. "I was just bored and wanted to see what was making that music."

"Yeah, yeah, okay," said Mulch, picking up half of the kindling pile, while No1 did the same. "Let's just get back to camp."

And so they walked back to camp carrying the sticks, and the whole while No1 blabbed happily about his new friends to Mulch, who just smiled and nodded.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there's that chapter. I apologize for mistakes, I just wrote this whole thing right now. And it's like eleven at night. Again. I really should try harder to break this habit. <strong>

**Okay, so the next chapter will either be Artemis Senior and Angeline or Myles and Beckett. Those chapters will probably be slow, but I promise updates will speed up after that for a while (at least for the following two chapters). **

**For the nine of you (because the first person was me) who voted on my poll, I'm happy to say that you voted mostly for the thing I most wanted to write about. YAY! For others, you can still vote. The way I incorporate the poll into my story is I'll probably throw as much of the options in the story as I can, but the ones with the most votes are the ones that I'll put the most effort into writing. PLEASE VOTE!**

**Just for the record, if I ever don't update within a month, check the reviews, I probably posted something there about it.**

**Review for a mention! I love to see the cool/crazy/just plain weird Pennames!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	5. Fire And Frogs

**5/10/12 – **

**Hey there, readers! What's up? This chapter is going to be about Myles and Beckett. WARNING: In real life, it is impossible to be as oblivious to your surroundings as Myles and Beckett are going to be, but I don't want to give away what's going to happen in the Butlers' chapter. Basically, I'm saying that they're going to be almost completely ignoring what Butler and Juliet are doing. Sorry if that makes them OOC.**

**Oh, and GOOD NEWS! As of 5/2, I am now done with math class until September! Yeah, PARTY! So anyway, here I am, totally caught with school, homework, TV, and now enjoying my three extra hours of free time! And what better way to celebrate than to update my story! I love getting reviews from you guys, it makes my day!**

**Speaking of which, thank you to:**

_**The Black Rose 98**_

_**Luna Kelly**_

_**Francesco's Girl xx**_

_**HollysAlterEgo**_

_**bkaddictjk**_

_**2whitie**_

_**BRILL WILL**_

_**sunfall**_

_**video games and other stuff**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

_**Hope Diamond**_

_**wingedwolfy**_

_**Iheartbd's**_

_**Troublelover16**_

**For the lovely reviews. And also to:**

_**BRILL WILL – **_**for making me a Favorite Author.**

_**Light or Shadow – **_**for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**video games and other stuff – **_**for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**the event horizon**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Crow-DarkHeart**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Iheartbd's**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Troublelover16 **_**– for making me a Favorite Author.**

**I also just want to put this out there now. If I've PMed you about the name malfunction thing, you can skip this part. Apparently, sometimes pennames don't appear on the website when I type them, usually if they have some sort of punctuation in them. This is really annoying. I ****THINK**** I edited all of them back in, but I left a space where the punctuation is supposed to be. Key word there is think. So, if you've reviewed, favorited, put on alert, etc. and you're not mentioned, please PM me or review or alert me of this in some way, shape, or form so I can fix it!**

**But now, on with the story!**

* * *

><p>Myles and Beckett were sitting around the fire pit. Although, to Beckett, it was really just a gray circle coated in ash. They had also gathered some large rocks after their parents left from the woods around the site, with Juliet keeping a close eye on them, of course.<p>

At the moment, Butler and Juliet were busy trying to put up the tents and the twins were putting the rocks into a circle around the pit. Well, Myles was anyway. Beckett had tried, but Myles had kept rearranging the rocks Beckett placed until the boy gave up trying to help, and let his twin take over. Myles was stacking a second row of rocks on top of the first one in a perfectly symmetrical pattern. Beckett was drawing lines in the dirt with a stick.

Suddenly, Myles jumped back from his pile.

"What?" asked Beckett, not looking up from his carving.

"I saw something move!" Myles answered

"Where?" asked Beckett, jumping up, suddenly interested.

"Right there!" said Myles, pointing to a pile of ash in the pit.

They stared at it for a few minutes. Nothing moved.

"Nothing's moving," said Beckett. He sounded disappointed.

"No," said Myles, squatting down and leaning towards it. "Something moved. I know it did."

"I've got an idea," smiled Beckett, retrieving his stick and reaching out to poke the pile with it.

_And they say Myles is the smart one_, he thought

He poked the pile.

A large frog sprung out from under the ash. Directly a Myles's face.

_Maybe they're right_, Beckett reflected.

Meanwhile, the frog had hit Myles's nose. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to leave an ash spot on his face. Not to mention thoroughly terrify him.

Myles screamed and fell backwards, partially from a strong gust of wind, partially from shock. The frog quickly hopped into the woods. These events caught the attention of Butler, Juliet, and Orion.

Butler and Juliet ran towards the twins to make sure they weren't hurt, as all they'd seen was Myles scream and fall down. Orion, on the other hand, had seen the escaping toad, and begun to chase after it. Juliet noticed this and whistled sharply. The trained dog skidded to a halt, but continued to stare at the frog's retreating form.

"Are you alright?" asked Butler, helping the boy up. "What happened?"

Beckett sighed. "There was a frog in the fire pit and it jumped out at Myles and scared him."

Myles glared at his brother while Juliet wiped the ash off of his face.

"Because you poked it, simple-toon!"

"You wanted to see it move!"

"Yeah, not attack me!"

"Alright, calm down," said Butler. "Myles, did you get hurt?"

"No."

"Good," said Juliet. "Now what did we learn from this?"

"Uhhh, Myles screams like a girl and is afraid of small animals?" tried Beckett.

"It's windy enough to knock a small child down," piped up Myles, trying to save himself a little dignity.

"No," said Juliet. "The lesson is don't tick off nature. Got it?"

The boys nodded.

"Okay," said Juliet. "Are two going to be okay if Butler and I go back to what we were doing?"

More nods.

"Alright," said Juliet, and the Butlers turned and walked back to the other side of the campsite.

Myles shoved Beckett. "Nice job, simple-toon, you almost got us in trouble!"

"Me? You're the one who screamed!"

This fight continued for several minutes, until both twins became too tired to continue it. Myles went back to stacking rocks, and Beckett picked up is stick and continued his 'artwork.'

* * *

><p><em>Twenty minutes later . . .<em>

"Hey, you know what would be fun?" asked Beckett, who had abandoned his drawing in favor for lying in the grass and picking shapes out of the clouds.

"What?" asked Myles, who had completed his task as well and was studying rocks through his magnifying glass, which he had retrieved from his science kit that his parents may or may not have known that he had brought. But, hey, Artemis had his hidden at the bottom of his suitcase, so why not?

"We could – ELEPHANT!"

Myles looked at his brother as if he were an idiot.

"Pardon?" he asked, cautiously.

"Oh, that cloud just looked like an elephant." said Beckett.

Myles looked up. The cloud in question did not look like an elephant. Myles opened his mouth to say this, but decided it wasn't worth the fight. Instead, he got back on topic.

"So what would be fun?" he asked.

"Making a fire," said his twin.

Now Myles was looking at his brother as if he were a dangerous idiot.

"Well, that's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard," replied Myles.

"Why?" pouted Beckett.

"1: Mum and Dad told us not to, 2: Butler and Juliet would kill us, 3: We have nothing to burn, 4: It's dangerous, and 5: how are we supposed to light it with no matches?"

Beckett was ready for that. "1: Mum and Dad aren't here, 2: Neither are Butler and Juliet" – Myles glanced around. It was true, the Butlers were nowhere in sight – "3: There's dry newspaper right over there on the picnic table, 4: It wouldn't be big, just a quick little flame, and 5: Focus the sun through your magnifying glass."

Myles looked at his brother. He was impressed that he had had answers prepared for his questions.

"Fine, but I don't know if the magnifying glass thing would work that well."

"Sure it would," said Beckett. "I'll prove it to you."

Beckett snatched the instrument from Myles's grasp, then tugged on Myles's shoe until it was at his eye level. Unfortunately for Myles, his foot was still in the shoe when this occurred, causing the toddler to fall in the dirt for the second time that day.

Beckett focused a ray of sun through the glass on a spot on the side of Myles's shoe. In a matter of seconds, there was a small, circular hole in the shoe.

"Hey!" yelled Myles. "Stop! Stop! It works! I believe you! These are my best pair of sneaker! Stop!"

Beckett smirked, releasing Myles's foot.

"So, you want to try to make a fire?" asked Beckett.

Myles looked around quickly, just to make sure Butler and Juliet hadn't returned from wherever they had gone.

"Alright, just make it quick," said Myles.

Beckett grinned and grabbed a piece of paper from the sports section of the newspaper. No one in his family would miss that.

Beckett focused the magnifying glass on the paper. Nothing happened. He frowned.

"Why didn't it work?" he asked.

"I don't know," answered Myles, looking down, the paper was definitely hotter, but no flame.

"Maybe it was because the universe knew you weren't supposed to be lighting fires," Said a deep voice from behind them.

The twins paled and turned around to face two very cross Butlers.

"It was his fault!" both boys screeched at the same time. Then they continued blaming the other until their words just became gibberish.

"Quiet," said Butler. There was immediately quiet.

"Why would you two try something so stupid, when your parents specifically told you not to do it?" asked Juliet. "You could have been hurt."

"We're sorry," said both twins in unison, looking down at their feet.

"You should be," said Butler. "That was way out of line, you should know better than that."

The twins continued to look down at their feet.

"You're lucky a real fire didn't start, or punishment would have been much more severe," continued Juliet.

The boys glanced up.

"As of now, Myles, you are not allowed to use your science kit for the rest of the trip, and two weeks after we get home, as shouldn't even be here anyway. Beckett, you lose your allowance for a week, and have to buy Myles a new pair of shoes to replace the one with the hole in it."

Beckett's eyes widened amazed. "You noticed that?"

Butler smiled. "I'm a Butler, I notice everything."

"And," Juliet added. "If you behave for the rest of trip, we won't tell your parents about this."

"Thank you," the twins said.

Understanding that they were truly sorry and that they were still upset about the whole incident, Juliet smiled down at them, picking up a baseball and two gloves from their pile of toys.

"Now," she said, smiling. "Who wants to play catch?"

"I do!" shouted the twins, realizing that they had been forgiven. They each grabbed a mitt and ran out farther into the open clearing.

"You're too soft with them," Butler whispered to Juliet, but he was grinning.

"Oh, shut up," she said, punching him playfully in the arm and throwing the first pitch out to Beckett.

* * *

><p><strong>So, what did you think? Good, bad, fantastic, could be better? Tell me in a review. You know you want to see your name mentioned. Don't deny it.<strong>

**Thank you to my six new poll voters, now I have a better idea of what you want to see. The rest of you, come on. You know you want a say in this story! Just vote! Pretty please :-D**

**Next chapter's going to be slow. Partly because I have test stress (you know, the kind you get when Spanish teacher says your final speaking exam will be in 3 weeks, then says today, "Oh, yeah, scratch that, it interferes with Earth Science, so it'll actually be in 11 days." That kind of stress.) and partly because I have total writer's block on it. It's going to be about Artemis Sr. and Angeline. If you have any ideas, please tell me! It'll make the story go faster! **

**So that's it for now, until I take my Regents Exams! By the way, could someone please tell me how to see how many views my story has? Anyway, review, vote, and give ideas!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	6. We're New At This

**6/25/12 – **

**Hey readers! Two months, no see, huh? Sorry! Well, I have both good and bad news. Bad news, this chapter is going to be pretty short because I still have no idea what to do with it but I thought that I shouldn't keep you guys waiting any longer. For those of you who are like, "Well then skip and update the next one already!" I can't do that because the order of these is important. So here's the Artemis Sr. and Angeline chapter.**

**The good news is that school is over, so I have more free time to think and write. Also, the next two chapters will be quicker for updating. Should be written and posted on July 5-15 and 25. Probably. Definitely both by the 25. Then we can move on to them all camping together and inducing chaos on each other. Won't that be fun? **

**Disclaimer: Oh, come **_**on**_**! Do I seriously need to include this? If you don't know who owns Artemis Fowl by now, you never will. Simple.**

**Okay, now, thank you to:**

_**Luna Kelly**_

_**TurquoisePeach**_

_**bkaddictjk**_

_**BRILL WILL**_

_**Iceleaf13**_

_**2whitie**_

_**Harry Artemis Jackson**_

_**Thatguywhowritesalot**_

_**HollyArty fovea**_

_**wingedwolfy**_

_**Hope Diamond**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

_**Captain Juliet**_

_**sunfall**_

_**Theliterateairman**_

_**Rynn Wolfe**_

**For the reviews. And to:**

_**Anamalia0207**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**TurquoisePeach**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Iceleaf13**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Harry Artemis Jackson **_**– for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**AriLivesnotDylan**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**bronydudeshadow**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author :-D**

_**Autobot-Drift**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Garniella **_**– for making me a Favorite Author.**

_**Captain Juliet**_** – for making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story :-D YAY! YOU DID ALL THAT, AND REVIEWED! YOU'RE AWESOME :-D**

**Love you all! Thanks for sticking with me! Updating right about . . . NOW!**

* * *

><p>One hour. For one whole hour, Mr. and Mrs. Fowl had been driving in circles looking for <em>The Great Outdoor's Store<em>, a place that sold logs for campfires. And they knew they'd been driving in circles because that had passed the same gas station at least twice.

_Great, _thought Artemis Sr. from behind the wheel, glancing at the few gas pumps visible from the road. _That's three times now. That stupid campsite entrance worker. 'Just take that there road,' he says. 'You can't miss it,' he says Well, apparently you can miss it. And then there was that jerk in the Lamborghini who started laying on the horn, and Angeline didn't want to upset anyone, so we had pull out without getting clearer instructions. Who even brings a Lamborghini camping? That's an expensive car! Not as expensive as the Bentley, of course, but still . . ._

Meanwhile in passenger seat, Angeline was having equally bitter thoughts.

_Oh, look, there's the gas station. Again!_ she thought. _Shocker. We should just turn around and go back and ask for better directions. We would have been there an hour ago, if Artemis would have listened to me and brought the GPS. But nooo. 'We don't need a GPS,' he says. 'How hard can this be?' he says. And now we're diving in circles. It's really easy to find this place, alright . . ._

Both adults were snapped back to reality by a soft _ding, ding, ding_. Glancing at the dashboard, Artemis Sr. saw that an orange light had appeared. Right under the gas gauge. Looking a little higher, he was also greeted to the sight of the needle pointing to E.

Cursing under his breath, Artemis Sr. made a U-turn and drove back to the gas station. He pulled up next to a pump, got out of the car, and began to fill up the car. Angeline followed, then frowned up at the prices.

"Why would they charge so much for gasoline?" she asked.

"Because they're in the middle of nowhere so people who run out gas here don't have any other choice," Artemis Sr. answered, halfway done with filling the tank.

"That scams people out of so much money," said Angeline.

"That's business," said Artemis flatly, replacing the gas cap on their rented van.

"Is it now?" she asked, glaring. "How often do you do that?"

Luckily, Artemis chose this time to notice the large sign that read _Please Pay Inside Store_.

"I'm going to go pay for this," he said quickly as he practically ran for the small convenience store.

_Note to self: check up on 'legitimate' business dealings more_, thought Angeline as she watched her husband's hasty retreat.

_Note to self: think harder before making comments that could be turned against you_, thought Artemis Sr. as he paid the man at the counter.

Artemis Sr. left the building to find Angeline gaping at a small building next to the convenience store.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Look," she answered simply.

He looked. Big, black letters had been painted on the side of the building. They spelled _THE GREAT OUTDOOR'S STORE_.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," he growled.

Angeline sighed. "Well, let's just go inside, get the wood, and leave already."

"Please," said Artemis Sr., striding toward the store.

They entered the store and found the lumber section. Angeline and Artemis Sr. each picked up two logs and (with great effort) began to carry them to the car. An employee approached them before they made it far.

"Um, excuse me, but how many of those do you need?" he asked politely.

"I don't know. Probably about twenty," said Mr. Fowl.

"Well, if you need that much, why not use the dolly?"

"The what?"

"The dolly. That red thing. Right over there," the employee said, gesturing toward the tool.

With the help of the worker, Artemis Sr. and Angeline managed to precariously stack twenty logs on the dolly. Artemis Sr. stared at the instrument for a few seconds, then attempted to use it. Unfortunately, he tipped it forwards instead of backwards, and five of the pieces of wood tumbled to ground. As Artemis Sr. picked them up, the employee gave Angeline a sideways glance.

"We're new at this," she offered weakly. The man gave an understanding kind of nod.

"Alright then," he said, taking the dolly away before Artemis Sr. had the chance to try again. "I'll take this outside, why don't you two go pay for the logs at the counter?"

The man wheeled the wood away, and Angeline and Artemis Sr. paid for it, telling the cashier to give the change to the employee who was helping them. The cashier said she would, and the Fowls went outside and helped the man load the lumber into their car. They thanked the employee and drove away.

"Well, that was embarrassing," said Artemis Sr., pulling out onto the road.

"What did you expect? We're new at this," Angeline reiterated.

Just then, the Fowls bounced high up in their seats as they hit a giant pothole. The dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree.

Artemis Sr. swore viciously.

"We popped a tire," he said, but continued on driving down the road.

"Well, turn around!" said Angeline incredulously.

"No! I'm not going back there! Let's just get back to camp, and Butler can fix it there," he answered. Then he glanced over at his wife, who was still staring at him. "What? We can make it."

"Whatever you say," said Angeline disbelievingly.

And apparently the universe had decided that they gone through enough that day, because by some small miracle, they managed to make it back to their campsite three minutes before the tire completely deflated.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there you have it! The next chapter will be about the Butlers. Now who hasn't been waiting for that? Now, writing this is my job, yours is to REVIEW! I'm currently at 89 reviews, let's get to 100! That's our goal, accomplish it! Come on, you know you want the mention, so review!<strong>

**The next chapter will be posted somewhere between July 5 and July 15. If you haven't already, vote on my profile! And for those of you who are like "What idiot can't use a dolly?" my response is that Artemis II is a genius, and it is revealed throughout the series that he apparently can't make a sandwich and can hardly climb a ladder, so I think it's possible that his father may not know how to use a dolly. Okay, see you in July!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	7. Tent Troubles

**7/10/12 – **

**Hey! I'm back! ARTEMIS FOWL AND THE LAST GUARDIAN IS OUT! YAY, YAY, YAY! Ugh, but I don't get it until Friday at the earliest! Stupid 3-7 business day shipping :'-C**

**So, the way I see it is that the Artemis Fowl fanfiction universe is either going to explode or die today. Here's my contribution to direct it towards exploding.**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Artemis Fowl series. Colfer does. And he ended it :'-C :'-C**

**Thank you to:**

_**ukikie**_

_**Xodiac 451**_

_**Luna Kelly**_

_**Silver Tiger 123**_

_**TurquoisePeach**_

_**bkaddictjk**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**ranziy**_

_**BRILL WILL**_

_**Daphne**_

_**video games and other stuff**_** :-D YAY! REVIEWER #100! :-D**

_**Harry Artemis Jackson**_

_**fuzzypurpleangel**_

_**Dragonsong57**_

_**LEPrecon**_

_**Didget **_

_**sunfall**_** – This is your early birthday present, as I will be unable to update on July 14.**

**For the reviews. And to:**

_**ukikie**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Silver Tiger 123**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**fuzzypurpleangel**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Dragonsong57**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**LEPrecon**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Didget**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Tiggy Gray**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**JoSchmo666**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

**Alright, onwards we go! Fearless into reading!**

* * *

><p>Butler and Juliet were pitching the tents. More accurately, Butler was pitching the tents while Juliet was off playing with Orion. This turned out to be a necessary measure, as apparently the dog was place-trained, and as soon as the fabric part of the tent was laid on the ground, Orion walked up and just flopped down in the center. Apparently, Orion was trained well, too, because no matter how many times the Butlers pushed him off, he just came back again. Butler didn't understand how exactly that training had happened, since the dog didn't have any special mat or anything at the manor that it was required to use. So now Juliet got out of work.<p>

In total, there were four tents that had to be put up. Two large and two small. After debate, it was decided that five humans and a dog could not fit comfortably in one tent, so the Fowls would split up. In one large tent would be Artemis Jr., Myles, Beckett, and Butler. The duplicate tent would host Foaly, Mulch, No1, and Trouble. Artemis Sr., Angeline, and Orion would take up one of the smaller tents, leaving Holly and Juliet to share the remaining one.

Butler had pitched one large and one small tent when he heard Myles scream and turned to see him fall down. Juliet had seen it too and, like Butler, was running over. Orion had taken notice of something completely different, which Butler's trained eyes identified as a small toad, and began pursuit. Juliet whistled and stopped the dog before he could get into the surrounding forest, however.

Butler reached the twins first.

"Are you alright?" he asked, helping Myles up. "What happened?"

Beckett sighed. "There was a frog in the fire pit and it jumped out at Myles and scared him."

Myles glared at his brother while Juliet, who had arrived half of a second after Butler, wiped the ash off of his face.

"Because you poked it, simple-toon!" yelled Myles.

"You wanted to see it move!" said Beckett defensively.

"Yeah, not attack me!" countered Myles.

"Alright, calm down," said Butler. "Myles, did you get hurt?"

"No," said the still upset twin.

"Good," said Juliet. "Now what did we learn from this?"

"Uhhh, Myles screams like a girl and is afraid of small animals?" tried Beckett.

Juliet disguised a laugh with a cough. She loved this kid.

"It's windy enough to knock a small child down," piped up Myles, trying to save himself a little dignity.

"No," said Juliet. "The lesson is don't tick off nature. Got it?"

Butler sighed. Yes, well that was the primary lesson, he could easily think of ten more 'toddler-friendly' ways to put it.

The boys nodded in response to Juliet's statement.

"Okay," said Juliet. "Are two going to be okay if Butler and I go back to what we were doing?"

More nods.

"Alright," said Juliet, and she and Butler strode back towards the tents, Orion trotting at their heels. Juliet gave him a Kong filled with frozen peanut butter from the cooler, and began to assemble a smaller tent while Butler continued constructing the other large one.

Three minutes later, Juliet glanced over at her brother to check his progress. He'd made quite a bit, but not as much as she had, because he was stopping after every step to make sure that it fulfilled his standards as a bodyguard.

"Jeez, Dom," said Juliet. "You don't have to be Picasso over there, it's not the tent will burst into flames and kill your charge if you're a little lax."

Juliet forcefully jammed a tent rod into the pocket for it near the ground. A little more forcefully than Butler would have preferred.

"Speaking of being more easygoing, you might want to take it down a notch with slamming the support rods into the ground. You'll break them. They're plastic tubes, not a sparring partner."

"They're half metal and they were designed to bend," countered the girl, slamming the last stick hard to prove her point. Unfortunately, it did the opposite, as a loud _CRACK_ rang through the air to accompany the tent rod snapping in half at the center. Since the two halves were now only supported by the elastic string that ran through the pole, the tent sides caved in taking on the shape of what looked like a teepee.

"Hmmm," said Butler, tapping his fingers against his chin, as if thinking. "Now, who could have predicted that happening?"

"Shut it," growled Juliet, storming over to the car. She returned with a roll of duct tape after a few minutes of digging through the trunk.

"Duct tape fixes everything," she said simply, clambering inside the tent, as that was where she could gain access to the snapped poles the easiest. She held the ends together with one hand and would the tape around it with the other. About a minute or so later, she walked outside to examine her work. Satisfied, she went to put away the duct tape. She made it ten steps, before there was a large gust of wind, much stronger than the one that supposedly knocked Myles over. She and Butler both heard the crashing noise made by her tent, which had not yet been staked into the ground, being knocked over and rolling into the woods.

Juliet slid the tape roll onto her wrist, gritting her teeth. _What was it with this stupid tent?_

She followed Butler into the brush and they soon caught up with the runaway tent. Glancing it over, they discovered three new holes, which Juliet quickly patched up with her new best friend, duct tape. They carried the tent the hundred feet or so back to camp, where Juliet properly secured it to the ground. She stood to find Butler looking suspiciously in the twins' direction. He motioned for her to follow him as they snuck up behind the children. Beckett was focusing a magnifying glass on paper. When nothing happened, he frowned.

"Why didn't it work?" he asked.

"I don't know," answered Myles, looking down.

"Maybe it was because the universe knew you weren't supposed to be lighting fires," Said Butler from behind them, announcing he and Juliet's presence.

The boys paled and turned around to face the two angry Butlers.

"It was his fault!" both boys screeched at the same time. Then they continued blaming the other until their words just became gibberish.

"Quiet," said Butler. There was immediately quiet.

"Why would you two try something so stupid, when your parents specifically told you not to do it?" asked Juliet. "You could have been hurt."

"We're sorry," said both twins in unison, looking down at their feet.

"You should be," said Butler. "That was way out of line, you should know better than that."

The brothers continued to look down at their feet.

"You're lucky a real fire didn't start, or punishment would have been much more severe," continued Juliet.

The boys glanced up.

"As of now, Myles, you are not allowed to use your science kit for the rest of the trip, and two weeks after we get home, as it shouldn't even be here anyway. Beckett, you lose your allowance for a week, and have to buy Myles a new pair of shoes to replace the one with the hole in it."

Beckett's eyes widened, amazed. "You noticed that?"

Butler smiled. "I'm a Butler, I notice everything."

"And," Juliet added. "If you behave for the rest of trip, we won't tell your parents about this."

"Thank you," the twins said.

Understanding that they were truly sorry and that they were still upset about the whole incident, Juliet smiled down at them, picking up a baseball and two gloves from their pile of toys.

"Now," she said, smiling. "Who wants to play catch?"

"I do!" shouted the twins, realizing that they had been forgiven. They each grabbed a mitt and ran out farther into the open clearing.

"You're too soft with them," Butler whispered to her, but he was grinning.

"Oh, shut up," she said, punching him playfully in the arm and throwing the first pitch out to Beckett. Butler went back to finish up the tents, and found Orion sitting on the rain cover, having finished his treat.

"Juliet!" called Butler, indicating the dog with a tilt of his head. She nodded.

"Orion!" she called out in a happy, sing-song voice, throwing the ball far into the field. "Fetch!"

The dog gave a short bark and took off after the baseball, joining in on the twins' game of catch.

Not long after the tents were finished, Trouble and Foaly returned with more rocks. Trouble was soaked and looked like he was having some kind of laughing fit.

"Here are some rocks," called Foaly to the twins.

They squealed with delight and ran over. They took the buckets with the stones and sat down in the grass, dumping them all out and getting to work again, Beckett handing the rocks to Myles, who arranged them how he liked. Butler and Juliet walked over. The humans and fairies looked at each other curiously for a second.

"Why does that tent have duct tape on it?" asked Foaly.

At the same time, Butler and Juliet asked their questions.

"Why were you laughing?" Juliet asked Trouble.

"Why are you dripping wet?" asked Butler.

Upon hearing each other's questions, everyone's faces darkened.

"I don't want to talk about it," they all answered in unison.

Two minutes later, No1 and Mulch returned.

"Sticks!" called Mulch to the twins. Beckett ran over and grabbed them, then retreated to the fire pit.

They sat down next to Butler, Juliet, Trouble, and Foaly, where No1 happily shared every single detail about his new friends. Throughout this conversation, Foaly kept giving Mulch the evil eye for allowing No1 to wander off on his own. Mulch just shrugged.

After about ten minutes, the Fowls' rented minivan dragged itself into the campsite.

"Butler!" called Artemis Sr., the relief that they had actually made it back seeping into his voice. "I think this van is in need of a little maintenance."

"Yes," agreed Angeline, stepping out of the car. "We had a few mishaps along the way."

It was all Butler could do to stop his jaw from dropping.

_A few mishaps? _Butler thought incredulously. _I can see a flat tire, and at least thirty little dents and chipped paint spots, most likely from flying stones on the gravel road. And that's not even counting the other side of the car that I can't see. How on Earth can these people wreck a new car so fast? _

He sighed, getting to work on the car.

_At least it's not the Bentley_, he repeated over and over again in his head to help stay calm. Thankfully, it didn't take him that long to finish up. His uncle had given him a few tips on car care when he was younger.

Butler was getting increasingly anxious with every passing minute by now. He could tell that some others were thinking the same things he was.

_Artemis and Holly have sure been gone a long time. If they're not back in two minutes . . ._

Suddenly, two loud, panicked screams were heard from far off in the forest.

"Hey, Butler," began Juliet. "I don't know about that really high-pitched one, but did that other scream sound a lot like Art-"

She stopped mid-sentence, because there was no one listening to her. Butler was already long gone.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there's the Butler chapter for ya! As usual, it's 10:30 at night, so I don't have time to check it over now. My apologies for any mistakes.<strong>

**Well? What did you think? The only way to tell me is in a review! And if you review, you get an awesome mention at the beginning of the next chapter!**

**Okay, Holly and Arty are up next! What caused the scream? Stay tuned to find out. Next chapter on July 25. Alrighty, Fowl Fans, enjoy The Last Guardian!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	8. Third Time's The Charm

**7/25/12 – **

**Hey everyone, I'm back, as promised! Read TLG, it was awesome! I hope some of you read it too, and for those of you that didn't, don't worry, there are no spoilers in this story or A/N.**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Artemis Fowl. I wish I did, I would change some things from TLG, but I already found loopholes for those things, so I'm glad I own this account. But that'll be another story . . .**

**Thanks to:**

_**TurquoisePeach**_

_**bkaddictjk**_

_**Harry Artemis Jackson**_

_**Story Lightning**_

_**sunfall**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

_**fuzzypurpleangel**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**BRILL WILL**_

_**Taliax**_

_**Silver Tiger 123**_

**Guest **

**For the reviews. And to:**

_**bkaddictjk**_** – for putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Shadow914**_** – for putting me on Author Alert ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Story Lightning**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**PercyJacksonFan56 **_**– for putting this on Story Alert ****AND ****making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author. :-D **

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**fuzzypurpleangel**_** – for making me a Favorite Author.**

_**A Guy Named George **_**– for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**WolfButler**_** – for putting me on Author Alert.**

_**BRILL WILL**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Taliax**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Book Luver2234**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**musiclover99**_** – for putting this on Story Alert. **

**Now do what you came here to do, READ!**

* * *

><p><em>Forty-five minutes after everyone split up . . .<em>

Artemis and Holly were three-quarters of the way up a relatively steep hill. The hill was covered in dirt, with trees popping up all over the hillside, eliminating most of the straight paths to the ground. Artemis and Holly were snapping branches off of saplings, which were dead because of the canopy provided by the larger trees, blocking them from the sun. 'Snapping,' however, isn't the best word to describe the pair's actions, because Artemis was bending and pulling the limbs until the basically fell off and Holly was simply shooting off branches with her Neutrino. Thirty minutes in to breaking of tree limbs, she had discovered that with a high enough setting and a quick enough burst, she could burn right through a branch without setting it on fire.

So the pile of sticks that Holly had rolled to the bottom of the hill was four times the size of Artemis's. Artemis's speed wasn't helped much by the fact that he would cling for dear life to the tree that he tearing branches from because he had no intention of falling down the hill. He had already lost his balance twice, and the only reason he had plummeted to the bottom was because his flailing arms caught a tree the first time and Holly stuck out her foot to halt him the second.

"I think we have gathered enough of the medium-sized sticks," Artemis called to Holly, who was about six feet above him on the hill.

"You mean _I _have gathered enough of the medium-sized sticks," corrected Holly.

"Regardless of who collected the majority," said Artemis. "I believe we have a sufficient amount of wood, and that we can proceed to the ground to look for larger branches."

"Alright, let's go," said Holly, beginning the descent with ease.

Artemis decided not to even attempt to walk down the slope, instead grabbing on to trees and half-sliding down.

"You can crawl if it's easier," laughed Holly.

Artemis glared over his shoulder and opened his mouth to deliver a snappy comeback, but all that came out was yelp. This was because he had chosen to continue down the hillside while looking back, which meant not watching his every step. A bad idea, as it turned out, because in the two seconds he wasn't looking at his feet, his foot got snagged under a protruding tree root. That, combined with the steep gradient of the hill and his own forward momentum, caused him not only to fall, but to tumble head over heels all the way to the bottom, with Holly running close behind him. He landed in a heap on the pile of sticks they'd collected, with four bruised ribs and a broken left wrist and lower right leg, as he had hit three trees on the way down.

"Artemis!" yelled Holly when she reached him. "Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" the boy managed to cough out.

"Heal," said Holly, laying her hands on his chest, causing him to wince because that was exactly where his injured ribs were. The magic coursed through Artemis's body, mending his various wounds with remarkable speed. Since he only had minor breaks and Holly was running hot with No1's special magic, Artemis was only unconscious for a few minutes. Holly was leaned over him looking concerned, but once she saw that he'd begun to get up, she smiled and her humor returned.

"Third time's the charm, huh?" she asked.

It took Artemis's magically addled brain a minute to realize that Holly was referring to the number of missteps on the hill it took him to fall.

"Oh, ha ha, you're just hilarious," said Artemis, his sarcasm apparently not damaged.

"Come on, then," she said, shoving half of their stick pile into his arms as he stood up. "Let's start heading back towards camp, and I'll shoot down any big branches we happen to see along the way."

They walked around for a while, Artemis lagging behind even more than usual due to his recently healed leg. After about ten minutes they found a clearing. In it was a large tree with a thick canopy of dead leaves. The tree appeared to have died of thirst, because all the surrounding plants had wilted and withered, and the soil was loose and dry.

"These good enough?" asked Holly, cocking her head toward its thick, dry limbs.

"Yes, those should be sufficient," replied Artemis. "But aim for the branches at the top. They seem to be largest, and we can pick the leaves off later."

"Okay," said Holly, drawing her Neutrino and beginning to fire.

The problem with shooting at things that have a covering on them, such as branches obscured by leaves, is that you can't see what's under said covering. And if you cause things that you can't see to free-fall forty feet, chances are those somethings won't be all too pleased with you.

Holly got the first branch down without major incident, besides it almost hitting Artemis on the head because he was standing too close. Holly and Artemis stopped watching the falling branches once they had both taken a cautionary step backwards. The third branch drew their attention back, however, because it made an unusual cracking sound upon contact with the ground. When Holly and Artemis glanced at it to see the source of the noise, they froze like deer in the headlights.

On the ground, camouflaged by the dead, brown leaves, lay a giant bees' nest, which now split clean in two. Needless to say, the honeybees rising from the carnage weren't happy that they were homeless. And they knew exactly who to blame.

Both Holly and Artemis let out an uncharacteristic scream as the first few bees reached them, stinging them out of their stupors.

"Run and cover your face!" yelled Holly, pulling her shirt up over most of her face. Artemis did the same. Artemis noticed Holly heading in the direction of the creek.

"No!" he called through his shirt. "Don't go in the water! You'll have to breathe sooner or later, and they'll be waiting for you when you surface!"

They ran for another solid thirty seconds, now having to go through brush and low hanging branches, which would be helping to slow the wasps down , if it didn't have the fault of slowing Artemis down more. Holly glanced to her side to check on Artemis, but he wasn't there. She whipped around to see him five yards behind her, trying in vain to swat away the bees that were swarming around him.

"Artemis, duck!" she yelled, pulling out her Neutrino and setting it on low and for wide bursts. Artemis obeyed, nearly dropping to his knees just in time for three beams to go sailing over his head, stunning almost all of the honeybees clumped around where his head and shoulders had been. Where a human would have only been knocked out for a couple of seconds by this, the tiny bees would unconscious for a few hours. Now that over half of the swarm was out for the count, the remainders were beyond furious. They sped toward Artemis and Holly with newfound energy, forcing Artemis and Holly to run as fast as they could, getting stung the entire way.

"In there!" shouted Holly, pointing to a rundown old cabin that had just entered her line of sight.

Holly reached it first, waiting until the last second to open the door for Artemis to dive inside. Holly quickly entered and slammed to door behind her. A few bees head made it inside, but those were the ones that were already on the pair's exposed skin, which stung them and then died off.

Holly went to the cabin's screen window and returned several gunshots later, having stunned the majority of the bees hovering around outside.

"We need to get these stingers out before I can perform a healing, or your skin might grow over them," said Holly, using two fingers to pick a stinger out of her arm. In total, Holly had ended up with about twenty-five stings. Artemis had double that.

"Here," panted a still exhausted Artemis, tossing Holly a credit card from his wallet. "Don't use your fingers; you'll squeeze more venom into yourself. Use the card. Scrape sideways." He pulled out a second credit card and began to remove the stingers embedded in his hand.

"You have two credit cards?" asked Holly, moving on to her other arm. "And you brought them both on a camping trip?"

"Yes," said Artemis, as though this was typical behavior for someone of his age. Holly just shook her head.

* * *

><p>Butler reached the clearing with remarkable speed, considering that it was just within earshot of the campsite. He scanned the area for his charge, and his eyes rested on the broken beehive attached to the branch that was still smoking from its base.<p>

_Of course_, he thought, taking off at a run in the directions the footprints in the dirt led. _Out of everyone here, those two __**would**__ be the ones to shoot down a beehive._

* * *

><p>By helping remove the stingers from each other's heads and necks, Holly had them both healed in a matter of minutes.<p>

"You know," she said, combing dead bees out of her hair. "You're one of the only people I know who could break two bones and get stung by fifty bees in the two different traumatic incidents in the course of less than an hour."

"The bees were your fault," countered Artemis. "And I'm sure you know plenty of other people who are capable of that, including yourself."

Holly opened her mouth to respond, but a sound from outside stopped her.

"Did you hear that?" she asked.

"Hear wh–"

"Shh!" hissed Holly.

Artemis listened intently for a few seconds and then he heard it too. In the distance, someone was shouting. The person sounded like they were getting closer. He listened harder, and was soon able to make out the words that the deep voice was saying.

"ARTEMIS! HOLLY! WHERE ARE YOU? ARTEMIS! HOLLY!"

Artemis jumped up, and Holly was already out the door.

"BUTLER! WE'RE OVER HERE!" she called, running towards his voice, trying not to step on the unconscious bees.

Artemis caught up to Holly, who had already found Butler.

"You two seem fine," said Butler giving Artemis a once-over. He turned to Holly. "How much magic did you use up?"

"Almost all of it," she said casually. "Remind me two have No1 fill my tank when we get back."

"How on Earth did you two manage to do more damage to yourselves than Artemis's parents did to that car, but in half the time?"

"The bees were actually our second traumatic accident," said Holly.

Artemis cradled his head in his hands at the reminder. And this was only the first day of camp.

* * *

><p><strong>There you have it. I feel bad for Butler, I really do, but not enough to make his job any easier.<strong>

**Okay, so we are now done with the personal chapters now, so your choice: should the next chapter be the first night or the second day? You can tell me in a review. And when you leave a review, you get a mention. Who doesn't want a mention? If you need more of an incentive, today's my birthday. A review would be an awesome present (hint, hint), so review for my birthday!**

**I might be gone for a while, because I need to start studying for regent make-ups. I did pretty well the first time, but there's always room for improvement. Not to mention that my dad bet me fifty dollars that I couldn't get my dog to go through a pop-up tube by the end of summer. And to me, fifty dollars is worth some effort :-D I'll try to update as soon as possible though. **

**That's all for now, see you later!**

**Sayonara, Sweetheart :-P**


	9. A Rather Large Raccoon

**8/25/12 – **

**I'm back. This chapter is going to be the first night, because everyone who gave their opinion on the matter requested it. Great, now they all have to survive camp in the dark. Ha ha.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Arte . . . ah, you get the point.**

**Thank you to:**

_**WolfButler**_

_**The Authoress**_

_**Harry Artemis Jackson**_

_**Rynn Wolfe**_

_**HollyArty fovea**_

_**Serena**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

_**captain-ah-mazing**_

_**Captain Juliet**_

_**TurquoisePeach**_

_**fuzzypurpleangel**_

_**WordWings**_

_**nintendgal101**_

_**Silver Tiger 123**_

_**BRILL WILL**_

_**TrinityFlower of Memories**_

_**ThelastAncient**_

_**Sunfall**_

_**FlowerofNaraku**_

_**Clovers13**_

_**2 Guests**_

**For the reviews. And also to:**

_**SirGambit**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**HollyArty fovea**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**captain-ah-mazing**_** – for putting this on Story Alert AND making this a Favorite Story.**

_**donthaveacareintheworld**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**WordWings**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**hartemis 10**_** – for making me a Favorite Author.**

_**DaemonicBlackCat**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Rose Starre**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**TrinityFlower of Memories**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Flare1412**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Hitthefloorrunning**_** – for putting this on Story Alert AND making this a Favorite Story AND putting me on Author Alert.**

_**MySecret XxX2**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Clovers13**_** – for putting this on Story Alert AND making this a Favorite Story AND putting me on Author Alert.**

_**juniperfalcon17 **_**– for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**BRILL WILL**_** – for making me a Favorite Author.**

**W-O-W, that was a lot of typing. But that's a really good thing ;-)**

**Alrighty, then, here comes night time!**

* * *

><p><em>11:30 pm . . .<em>

Everyone was sitting around a campfire after discussing their evenings in great detail and mild embarrassment. Well, the majority at least. Some of it was censored for the sake of self-dignity and not getting in trouble.

After the day they had all had, no one really had the energy to get something to eat. Apart from Mulch, of course, who was stuffing marshmallows down his throat by the bagful. They were uncooked though, since dwarves do not have an overwhelming joy of being in the presence of fire.

Approximately twenty minutes later, Mulch had run out of marshmallows and when no one would get up to retrieve more, he went to bed. He was followed shortly by No1 and Foaly. Then Angeline and Artemis Sr. tucked the twins in and retired to their tent with Orion. Shortly after the Butlers extinguished the fire while everyone else dragged themselves to their sleeping bags.

Upon entering his tent, Artemis sighed. Myles and Beckett had opted to fall asleep in the dead center of tent, leaving a small space for him and not even close to enough room for Butler. Artemis scooped up Beckett in his arms, and relocated him and his pillow and sleeping bag to the far right corner of the tent. Artemis repeated the process with Myles. Thankfully, once moved, the twins curled up into little balls, leaving Artemis almost enough room to stretch out his legs from his spot across from them. Butler, who entered seconds later, was able to spread out in the front half of the tent, with his head touching one end and his feet brushing the other. Within the hour, everyone on the campsite had fallen asleep.

* * *

><p><em>3:45 am . . . <em>

"_Artemis_."

Artemis Fowl the Second gave a small moan and rolled over in his sleep.

"_Artemis!_"

Artemis rolled back over and opened his eyes to see the fuzzy image of Beckett Fowl standing over him.

"What is it?" yawned Artemis.

"I need to go to the bathroom," whispered Beckett.

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," said Artemis rubbing his bleary eyes. "Let's go."

Butler awoke when Beckett had whispered Artemis's name for the first time. He was already waiting outside by the time Artemis had hauled himself out his sleeping bag and gotten one of his shoes on.

"Myles is basically on top of the flashlight and I think we should give him a chance of a good night's rest, so we'll just borrow one from the girls instead," Butler announced when Beckett and Artemis had joined him outside.

Unfortunately, it was pitch black outside, and within nine steps Artemis had tripped on one of the cords that were holding up Holly and Juliet's tent. Butler caught him before he could fall flat on his face and he hadn't collided with the string hard enough to cause it to snap. He had, however, caused the entire tent to shake, effectively dislodging a large flashlight from its position in the netting at the top of the tent and knocking it onto a sleeping Holly's shoulder.

"OW! What the . . . D'Arvit Mud Boy!" yelled the irritated elf, correctly assuming that Artemis's size and lack of coordination were the perfect pair to cause this kind of incident.

"Sorry," hissed Artemis from outside.

Holly unzipped the door of the tent, massaging her soon to be bruised shoulder. Juliet had woken up and appeared beside her brandishing the flashlight.

"I assume that you're looking for one of these," smirked Juliet, handing the light to her brother.

"Yeah, thanks," smiled Beckett.

Juliet and Holly stepped outside and walked to the clearing with them where they met Mulch halfway up the path, who had been walking over for a late night snack.

When they reached the clearing containing the food and the latrines, Juliet took the flashlight and walked over to the toilets with Beckett. The others were left in darkness. Even so, Holly was just able to make out a faint shape in the moonlight.

"Mulch?" she asked, turning her glare from Artemis to him for the first time since she had woken up. "Is that our food in a screen tent over there?"

"Yes," said Butler, now also making out the shape. "I seem to recall you being given specific instructions to tie it up in a tree."

Mulch gave a nervous half-laugh and took a step backwards.

"Yeah, well, you see, the thing about that is . . ." he began, but was cut off by a crashing sound near the tent.

Artemis pulled out his cell phone and lit up the screen, directing the small light at the tent. Because they were standing so far away from the tent, the only things that the light made visible were two round eyes that it reflected off of. There appeared to be a raccoon standing on a two-foot tall pile of food, but it was hard to tell considering the creatures eyes were the only things anyone could see with their pathetic light source.

Even the animal was probably standing on food, contributing to the height of the eyes, Butler and Holly couldn't help but think that the size of the eyes suggested that this must be a rather large raccoon.

"Hey, shoo!" called Mulch. "That's our food, get away!"

He continued shouting at it for another minute or so until Juliet and Beckett returned. Seeing the eyes, Juliet turned the full force of her flashlight on the animal.

This did not make it happy one bit, and the raccoon stood on its hind legs, which were actually on the ground, to reveal its full seven-foot height, and that it most certainly was _not_ a raccoon.

"BEAR!" yelled Mulch, diving into the ground and tunneling away.

Butler grabbed Artemis and Juliet grabbed Beckett as they took off down path with Holly matching their stride. When they got back to campsite they saw the zipper of Mulch's tent close as a hairy head ducked inside. Butler and Juliet went back to the clearing to scare off the bear, leaving Artemis and Beckett with Holly. Artemis picked up Beckett and got him to fall asleep again, then returned outside to see Holly as Butler and Juliet returned.

"It spooked and ran off into the woods pretty soon after we went back," said Juliet.

"I wouldn't blame it," said Holly under her breath.

"The tent is destroyed though," said Butler.

"And a lot of food is gone now, _Mulch_," finished Juliet, aiming a kick at the tent in the spot where she remembered Mulch was sleeping. A yelp followed by "You didn't have to hit me _that _hard, Stinker!" confirmed that she had hit her target.

Butler sighed. "We'll have to buy more in the morning, for now, let's just try to take advantage of the few hours of darkness we have left."

And everyone went to their tents, thinking about how to explain the night's events to the others and ways to kill Mulch as they fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed that! You can let me know in a review (hint, hint)!<strong>

**Throughout all of this, I can't help but feeling like the Butlers need a couple years of paid vacation far away from fairies and Fowls. Oh, well.**

**The next chapter will be about the first day. See you then!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P **


	10. Repressed Memories

**11/25/12 – **

**Hello my lovely readers, sorry for the wait, I'm desperately trying to remember how I balanced this with homework last spring. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon. I'm not going to waste any more time here (look at the review I posted for excuses, etc.) except for mentioning reviewers, favorites, and followers. Writing of which, my reviewers are:**

_**Story Lightning**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**Hitthefloorrunning**_

_**Shadow914**_

_**will trolliam **_**(only because I promised to mentions all reviews, since yours was only negative with nothing constructive)**

_**Owltide**_

_**44lefty**_

_**I-am-a-Firefly**_

_**Amaryllis5498**_

_**HollyArty fovea**_

_**Rynn Wolfe**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

_**Insanity**_

_**Sleekpelt**_

_**Sunfall**_

_**IzzyPure**_

_**terrance**_

_**hpfan10101**_

_**Nectardishidafimo**_

**And 3 Guests. Thanks also to:**

**roseandfudge – for putting me on Author Alert**

_**I-am-a-Firefly**_** – for putting this on Story Alert**

_**Amaryllis5498**_** – for putting this on Story Alert**

_**LittleRedRidingWolf1998**_** – for putting this on Story Alert**

_**XxHuNt3rxG1RlxX**_** – for making me a Favorite Author**

_**bismarckenterprise**_** – for making this a Favorite Story**

_**AthenaOwl10**_** – for making this a Favorite Story**

_**TheFoolishTheif**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND ****making this a Favorite Story**

_**Nectardishidafimo**_** – for putting this on Story Alert**

**Well, I think that's everyone, so now here's the next chapter, about the second day. Refresher of last chapter: Mulch didn't tie the food into a tree so a bear came and ate it all.**

**Disclaimer – If I owned Artemis Fowl, don't you think there would be a Butler looking over my shoulder right now to make sure I didn't make this stuff happen to his charge?**

* * *

><p>The following morning, breakfast was held off for obvious reasons. Butler had oh-so-generously offered to take the place of Artemis Senior in driving back to the convenience store to get more food. While he was gone, Mulch had let slip a complaint about how he was starving and that Butler was taking too long. This had resulted in Juliet giving the twins their iPods and Angeline and Artemis Senior taking them into their tent so that the Trouble, Foaly, Holly, and Juliet could (loudly) exchange a few words with him.<p>

When Butler returned, he and Juliet cooked bacon, pancakes, and other breakfast foods on miniature grills and they sat down and ate. The Fowls, Butlers, and Mulch sat at one table while the rest of the fairies sat at the other so the tables were split into vegetarians and non-vegetarians. No1 sat with the other fairies because he became a vegetarian after his return from Hybras.

The day crept by uneventfully, while everyone busied themselves with restocking on food, playing with the twins and Orion, eating lunch, and just sitting around talking to each other.

At around 3 pm, Artemis was enduring the glares from his mother as he surfed the internet on his phone, bored.

"Artemis," said Angeline, realizing her son was not going to stop anytime soon. "We're camping. Put your phone away and enjoy nature."

Artemis sighed. "I've been 'enjoying nature' for two days. There is nothing interesting to see. Look, even the dog is bored!"

Orion was lying on the grass a few feet away from Artemis with his head resting in his boys. When Angeline looked over at him, he looked up at her and sighed.

"See," said Artemis, not taking his eyes off the screen of his phone.

Juliet, who just happened to overhear the whole conversation, stood up.

"I know a game we can all play, Mrs. Fowl," said Juliet, smiling. "Except for Myles and Beckett, they're too young. And too short."

"That's alright," said Angeline, snatching Artemis's phone out of his hands as she got up. "Timmy and I will take them on a hike with Orion."

"Okay, everyone," said Juliet, beaming. "Gather 'round, we're going to be playing Red Rover."

"No, we most certainly are _not_," said Artemis, repressed memories of playing the game in gym class at school. At least until enough people were sent to the nurse to get the game banned.

"I really don't think Artemis should participate in this," agreed Butler.

"No Artemis is going to play," said Angeline, starting to walk onto the trail behind Beckett. "He needs something to stop him from being _so _bored. Juliet, you're in charge of not letting him sit out."

"It would be my honor," said Juliet, saluting Angeline while trying to look serious. Angeline laughed and disappeared behind the rest of her family into the forest.

"So what is this game anyway?" asked Holly.

"Well," smiled Juliet. "First we split into two teams and each team makes a line with the players holding hands so the lines facing each other with about fifteen feet between them."

"We have to hold hands? What kind of stupid little girly game is this?" asked Mulch.

Juliet continued on, ignoring him. "Then one team picks a person on the other team and calls 'Red Rover, Red Rover, send that person on over."

"This game is sounding dumber by the sentence," muttered Foaly.

"Finally," said Juliet, louder over the mumbling. "The person chosen has to run at the other team and try to break through one of the pair's arms. If the pair lets go and the person breaks through, they go back to their own team. If they just end up slamming into the pair's arms then they have to join the other team. We keep going back and forth until there's only one person left on one side."

"Oh, I think I'm going to like this game," said Trouble, grinning evilly at the group's weak links.

"Alright, fairies, use your coin things to change into human form so we're all about the same height. Trouble, for the enthusiasm, you're a team captain. I'm the other one. Everyone else, line up!"

Juliet picked first.

"Butler," she called, and her older brother came to stand by her side.

Trouble picked next.

"Holly," he said.

"Mulch."

"No1."

"Foaly."

Artemis sighed. This really was like gym class all over again.

Trouble echoed Artemis's sigh.

"Fine," he said. "I guess I'll take the Mud Boy."

Artemis walked over and stood by Holly. He desperately looked at Butler, who moved his head in a small nod. Hopefully no one would notice . . .

"Wait!" yelled Juliet, studying the teams. "Trouble, I'm trading you Foaly for Artemis. We can't have Butler on the opposite team as him, or he'd just let Artemis through."

"You're right," said Holly. She looked at Artemis and made a fake pout. "No cheating."

Artemis scowled and swapped places with Foaly.

They lined up to start the game. The order was Butler – Artemis – Juliet – Mulch and No1 – Trouble – Foaly – Holly. Put a weak link between the strong links, and the chain doesn't break.

Juliet's team called first.

"Red Rover, Red Rover, send Foaly on over!"

"D'Arvit," said the Foaly, running fast and hard at Artemis and Juliet. Artemis tried to pull away but Juliet would not let go of his hand. Artemis and Foaly cringed and turned their heads, not wanting to see the train wreck that was about to occur. Butler saw this and when Foaly was about a foot away, he yanked Artemis hard, the sudden force surprising Juliet so that she loosened her grip just enough for Artemis to slip his hand out. Foaly made it through just before Juliet could snatch Artemis's arm again. Smiling, Foaly walked back to his cheering team and joined the end, grabbing hold of Holly's hand.

Artemis was called over next. He saw Trouble and Holly whisper to Foaly and No1, and when they finished, Artemis did_ not_ like the way they were looking at him. He ran hard anyway aiming for the gap connecting Foaly and Holly, since it looked like Trouble had as much as a death grip on No1 as Juliet had had on him. He might just be able to make it through if he hit hard enough . . .

When Artemis was three seconds from impact, the whole line shifted six feet, so he collided as hard as possible into Holly and Trouble's arms instead. Their arms hooked him at the top of his stomach, just under his ribs. Holly and Trouble didn't let go, causing Artemis to do a flip around them, as though they were a bar at a gymnastics competition. Artemis landed under them, his back slamming into the ground. Artemis struggled for breath, as the wind had been knocked out of him. Butler was there in an instant, checking for any serious injuries on his charge. There weren't any, so he stood up, leaving Artemis on the ground to catch his breath.

"What. Was. That?" growled Butler, taking deep breaths to keep his anger in check.

"An incredible acrobatics display that was not thought possible by this teenager," suggested Foaly.

"I thought it was mean and voted against it," No1 piped up.

"Well at least one person on this team is sane. You could have seriously hurt him!" yelled Butler.

"Casualty of war," said Trouble.

"I thought," gasped Artemis, struggling up on his elbows and looking at Holly. "That you said . . . no . . . cheating."

"That wasn't cheating," answered Holly. "That was strategy."

"That was definitely cheating," said Juliet who had joined her brother in front of Holly.

Butler helped Artemis to his feet.

"Okay," said Butler. "You're done. Go lie down."

"But Angeline said – " started Juliet.

"He did play, even if it was just for one turn, so it's okay," interrupted Butler.

"Thank you," said Artemis, allowing Butler to direct him towards the tents. Artemis sat at one of the picnic tables and laid his head down while Butler went back and the game continued. Artemis perked up a few turns later after a call he had not expected from Holly in the game.

"Red Rover, Red Rover, send Butler on over!"

Foaly and Trouble's wide eyes showed that this had not been a team decision. Trouble was now between Foaly and Holly, and No1 had been caught by Mulch and Juliet on the previous turn. Butler was charging at Holly and Trouble, but at the last second swerved away to hit Foaly and Trouble. Trouble tightened his grip so Foaly couldn't pull away early, although he desperately tried to. Regardless, Butler obliterated the pair, and after shrieking several D'Arvits, Foaly came to join Artemis with a severely bruised arm. Foaly turned back into a centaur and sat back to watch the show with Artemis.

Juliet's team failed to acquire Holly, and then Juliet almost had a fit when she was stopped dead by Trouble and Holly. Trouble was captured by Butler and Mulch, and he just barely made it through Holly and Juliet when they called him back on the next turn. Trouble and No1 somehow managed to stop Holly on the next turn, ending the game.

"Wait a minute," said Mulch. "You're the only one left over there, but you started on the other team. So who won?"

"That part has never really been understood," answered Juliet. "Some say that everyone but me wins, some that only I win, others that anyone who was never captured at all does. Personally, I usually go by the rule that the original players from the winning side are the victors. So that would be me, Butler, Mulch, and Artemis."

"Are you kidding me?" said Trouble. "Artemis barely even played!"

"He did go out with flair though," said No1 thoughtfully.

"Blah, blah, blah, all I'm hearing is that we won," said Mulch, turning back into his true form like the rest of the fairies were.

"You did not win!" said Holly.

"Actually, Juliet's logic makes sense in this situation," said Artemis walking over with Foaly. "In the end, everybody on your team was captured, so you lost. If Trouble was the only one left instead of Juliet, that rule would have to be adjusted to be the second rule you mentioned."

"See," said Juliet. "The genius here agrees with me. If you guys really don't agree with me we could always play again tomorrow and see what happens."

"Um, how about _no_," said Butler. "We don't need any more injuries, and if Angeline ever saw this game played out, she would probably have a heart attack."

"Yeah, probably," said Juliet. She elbowed Artemis in the side. "I guess you, me, and Dom . . ."

Juliet ignored the intense glare from her brother.

". . . will just have to play at the Manor sometime when your mom's away and the twins are older."

"What about us being older?" asked Beckett, walking out of the woods with Myles and Orion and coming to stand by Juliet.

"We'll play a really fun game with your brothers!" said Juliet excitedly. "Don't let me forget."

"Okay!" smiled Beckett.

"Why can't this just be over already?" moaned Artemis.

Juliet heard him and glared, then looked back down at Beckett.

"Since Artemis is so excited, do you want to see him demonstrate the game?" she asked, smiling down at Beckett.

Before the toddler could say yes, Angeline and Artemis Senior emerged from the path.

"That was a long walk," said Artemis Senior, and the Butlers noticed that he was out of breath.

"How did things go here?" Angeline asked.

"Oh, fabulously!" beamed Juliet, giving Artemis a small elbow to his stomach to make up for him not having to play again.

"That's nice," said Angeline. "Juliet, could you help me start dinner?"

Juliet left the group to cook hamburgers on the grill and Butler started a fire to cook pasta. The rest of the group dispersed soon after, and to Artemis and Foaly, the game was nothing but a bruise and a repressed memory.

* * *

><p><strong>The end! I'm not surprised Foaly repressed the memory, who would want to remember a Butler charging at them? I love that game so much! My camp counselor won't let me play it anymore though because she had a panic attack and was covering her eyes the last time I convinced my friends to play. Unless you have permission by everyone in your group and good medical insurance, don't try this at home! I don't need any lawsuits ;-)<strong>

**Alright, that's all I have to say, now I have to go study for a Social Studies test. Yay. Reviews are always extremely appreciated, and you get that mention on the top! Who doesn't want that? Don't lie, you know you do. So review, and I'll see you next time!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	11. Goodnight

**3/30/13 – **

**WOW. I have been gone for a llloooonnnnngggggg time. I AM SO SORRY! I've been thinking about this story and the site a lot, if it helps. I feel like I've dropped off the face of the fanfiction world for the last four months. I guess technically it's not a feeling if it's true, though. As soon as I'm done with this, I'll probably go review all the stories I'm falling behind on, because seriously, I haven't even read anything from here for at least a month.**

**On a happy note, I have had this story for over a year! YAY! Last year I was just like, 'Yeah, sure, I guess I'll write a story, I have nothing to do, it'll probably be a chapter or two, and maybe I'll even get a review.' Uh, how about 192 reviews. Thank you all so much for that! Here is my extremely long mention note then. Honestly, this list took me a while to write, so get ready to scroll.**

**Thank you so much to:**

_**LEPrecon**_

_**terrance**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**I-am-a-Firefly**_

_**44lefty**_

_**TheFoolishThief**_

_**HollyArty foeva**_

_**artemisfowl18 **_

_**Holly C Fowl**_

_**Troublelover16 **_

_**Juliegirl22**_

_**BLURPENSKIRF boom**_

_**Sunfall**_

_**That person**_

_**IzzyPure**_

_**I am that Writer**_

_**Spectra Prime**_

**And also to:**

_**artemisfowl18**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author. :-D YAY! YOU DID ALL OF THAT AND REVIEWED! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY AWESOME! :-D**

_**jingyee1997**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Juliegirl22**_** – for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author.**

_**FreedomWithWings **_**– for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Winter-Buzz**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**I am that Writer**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**AwesomeReaderAndWriter 357**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**coolgle **_**– for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**PandaRox**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**Spectra Prime – **_**for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story ****AND ****making me a Favorite Author. **

**THANK YOU ALL, YOU ARE SO COOL! Even if Spellcheck hates your usernames. Here is the story! It is the second night, after that whole Red Rover thing that I did greatly enjoy writing ;-D **

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I spent the last four months doing homework, scheduling my classes, writing essays, and at hockey tournaments (although the international one in Quebec City was pretty cool), not getting the rights to Artemis Fowl.**

* * *

><p>Everyone was sitting around two picnic tables that had been pushed together. Orion was lying under the bench. It was late, so the light came mostly from the three lanterns on the table, set where the tables met and at the ends, and the campfire. There was a pile of cards in the center of the table and they were all holding a hand of cards because they were playing the game BS, or for the twins sake, 'Liar.' That's the game where you go around the table in order putting in aces, then ones, then twos, etc. into the center pile face down in order to try to be the first to run out of cards. If you do not have the right cards when it is your turn, then you put in the wrong cards but lie and say that they are the right cards. If someone thinks you're lying, they say BS (or liar) and you have to flip the cards you put in right side up. If you were lying then you have to take all the cards in the pile but if you were actually telling the truth then whoever said you were lying takes the pile. Angeline was not thrilled about the twins playing a game that was basically teaching them how to lie, but this was something that everyone could do together so she let it go. It was Artemis's turn. He was winning.<p>

"Three sevens," he said, pulling three cards from his hand and placing them in the center.

Holly looked down at the seven in her hand. She knew it was very unlikely that Artemis would have all the other sevens in the deck, but considering that the last time she called him out she added the fourteen card center pile to her hand, she was not keen to try her luck again.

Meanwhile, Mulch was staring at the seven in his hand, on the same train of thought as Holly. He ended up with seventeen more cards the last time he said Artemis was bluffing. This time Mulch said nothing.

Since it had been ten seconds and no one had called Artemis out on the lie, the game moved on. It was Juliet's turn. She looked her cards.

"One eight," she announced.

"Liar," said Butler immediately.

"Oh, come on!" yelled Juliet, pulling the pile towards her.

Butler smiled. His turn.

"Two nines," he said, pushing the cards to the center.

"Liar," said Juliet.

Butler flipped the cards over. They were both nines. He pushed them towards Juliet.

"What difference do two more cards make?" she muttered, adding them to the twenty she was already holding.

It was Beckett's turn now. He studied his cards.

"I don't have any tens," he said, putting a handful of Dorito chips into his mouth.

"You're not supposed to say that," Myles sighed. This was the third time this game.

"Then what do I say?" asked Beckett.

"You say that you do have tens," answered Myles.

"But I don't."

"I know that. But you say you do so you can run out of cards."

"So what do I put in?"

"I don't know. A two or something."

"But I thought we were on tens."

"We are."

"Then why am I putting in a two?"

"Just do it!"

"I don't like this game," said Beckett, standing up to go sit by the fire.

"I'm out, too," said Juliet, moving to sit in the chair next to Beckett. He got up and crawled into her lap once she sat down.

"Yeah, this is getting boring," said No1, who had been losing pretty badly. "Game over. Artemis wins."

"Of course Artemis wins," said Holly. "We all know how good he is at lying."

Artemis winced. So she still wasn't over that whole 'You Gave My Mother Spelltropy and Started a Plague' thing yet. He didn't blame her.

They all went and sat around the campfire for a while, although Mulch sat much farther back than the rest of them. They made s'mores and hobo pies. Or more accurately, Butler made s'mores and hobo pies for everyone else, as Beckett had fallen asleep on Juliet's lap and decided that it would be a tragedy to wake him, Mulch didn't want to go near the heat, and yeah, Butler would _definitely_ let Artemis get within tripping distance of a raging fire.

Foaly had taken a bite out of a marshmallow when he dropped it, made an attempt to catch it, and really just ended up batting it into mane. Then he tried to grab it but just ended up spreading it around more and getting it into the hair on his arm. Throughout the ordeal Artemis and Trouble had just watched him with their mouths slightly opened in amazement that someone could turn themselves into this much of mess in such a short amount of time. Holly just sat there shaking her head. Foaly froze when he realized that he was not helping himself. Mulch's hysterical, uncontrolled laughter helped cue him in.

"This is so disgusting!" moaned Foaly.

"How did you manage to do that to yourself?" laughed Juliet. "You look like a snowman threw up on you."

"Artemis," said Foaly. "Come help me get this stuff out."

"I really don't want to," said Artemis, shaking his head for emphasis.

"Arty, go help your friend," said Angeline. She yawned. "It's late anyway. We should probably all be getting to bed."

Artemis and Foaly headed to the bathrooms, the ones that had running water and electricity. Butler stood up and scooped a sleeping Beckett out of Juliet's lap, then lifted a drowsy Myles up from the ground. He walked back to the tent and deposited them both inside their sleeping bags. Everyone else went back to their own tents. Butler zipped the tent up and sat inside. He hated tents. You were just one zipper away from someone attacking you. Butler laid down and tried to get comfortable while he waited for Artemis to return.

* * *

><p>After twenty minutes of struggling, soaking, arguing, hair pulling, combing, and whining, Foaly was finally marshmallow-free. He and Artemis were walking back to camp in the extreme darkness.<p>

"I still cannot believe that you got one half of a marshmallow to cover that much hair," said Artemis.

"It was sticky," pouted Foaly.

They froze. They had reached the campsite, but heard something near the picnic tables move. The fire had been put out, so the only light came from the flashlight Foaly was holding. He shone it in the general direction of the noise. The Doritos bag was still lying open on the table. A glowing pair of eyes could be seen next to it.

"Oh," said Foaly. "It's a raccoon standing on the table."

"WAIT!" hissed Artemis, urgently throwing out his arm to stop Foaly from going any further.

"What?" asked Foaly.

"It could be a bear," whispered Artemis.

Foaly looked at him as though he was a lunatic.

"It's a raccoon on a table," he said again.

"It could be a bear."

"Not really."

Artemis took the flashlight from Foaly and cautiously crept closer, until he could get a good view of the animal. Artemis slowly raised the flashlight to shine on the creature's body. It revealed a fat raccoon with orange dust covering its mouth and front paws. It turned its head away from the light and went back to digging in the Doritos bag.

"It's okay," said Artemis, walking back. "It's just a raccoon."

"I know," said Foaly, nodding at him. "That's what I said. I'm going to bed."

"Wait," said Artemis.

"What now?" asked Foaly.

"Shouldn't we try to get the chips away from it?" asked Artemis. "It can't be good for it."

"You can try," said Foaly, crawling into his tent. "I'm going to sleep. Don't get rabies."

Artemis approached the raccoon slowly. When he started reaching for the bag, the raccoon crouched, the hairs on its back spiked up, and it hissed. The hiss was pretty scary, allowing Artemis to see all of its pointed teeth. It was not a happy raccoon.

"That's alright," whispered Artemis, backing up quickly into his tent. "You can keep it."

"Everything okay?" asked Butler when Artemis got inside.

"Yes," replied Artemis, crawling into his sleeping bag. "I just want to sleep."

"Goodnight," said Butler, turning off the flashlight.

"Goodnight," said Artemis. He yawned and ran a hand through his hair. He stopped. He had brushed against something large and hard. Artemis sat straight up and flicked on the flashlight. Butler did, too.

"What's wrong?" asked the bodyguard.

"What's in my hair?" asked Artemis bending his head forward.

Butler combed through the raven locks for a few seconds before pulling out a large, green beetle about the size of a penny. He showed it to Artemis. Artemis blanched, wildly feeling his head to make sure there were no more.

"Don't worry, you're clear," said Butler, holding back a smile. He placed the bug in Artemis's hand. "Why don't you put that outside?"

Artemis used his other hand to grab the flashlight and shine it in the direction of the zipper so he could open the tent, putting a lot of effort into not dropping the bug into the tent. He got the door opened and quickly brushed the beetle off his hand into the grass.

While the door was opened the flashlight briefly illuminated the raccoon on the table. Artemis and the raccoon made eye contact. It hissed viciously at him.

Well, goodnight to you, too.

* * *

><p><strong>There you have it! I will definitely make the next update sooner! You know the drill, want a mention, review, don't want one, review anyway. They are always appreciated! I love you all!<strong>

**Well, it's 11:58 pm, and I've been listening to my dog snore for the last hour, so I really need to be getting to bed. Goodnight!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	12. Ivy League

**6/15/13 – **

**Hey guys! Sorry for the slow update but I'm done with school for the summer now so that's a good thing then. I think there will only be two more chapters. Can't make Artemis camp too long. I'm not THAT mean! Well, not to him. Yet. Keep in mind this is still my first fanfiction. Thank you all for reading! Here are the mentions for my reviewers:**

_**LEPrecon**_

_**I am awesOme**_

_**Xodiac 541**_

_**LittleRedRiddingWolf**_

_**PandaRox**_

_**Troublelover16**_

_**Princess Poptart243**_

_**Juliegirl22**_

_**Artyluv39**_

_**44Lefty**_

_**I-am-a-Firefly**_

_**Sunfall**_

_**Arkie**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**SnowFlower Frost**_

_**Celestial Unicorn**_

_**I am that Writer**_

_**HollyArty foeva**_

_**cbrusino**_** (Gee, thanks, did Katie help with that or was it just you? *rolls eyes*)**

**4 Guests**

**And thanks to:**

_**LEPrecon**_** – for making me a Favorite Author.**

_**TheFoolishThief**_** – for making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**Juliegirl22 **_**– for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**summer164**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**SnowFlower Frost**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert :-D YAY! YOU DID ALL FOUR AND REVIEWED! THANKS FOR BEING SO COOL :-D**

_**Celestial Unicorn**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert :-D YAY! YOU DID ALL THAT AND REVIEWED! YOU'RE AWESOME TOO :-D**

_**I am that Writer**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**geekfreak101**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**smac3993**_** – for putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Robin The Girl Wonder**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert.**

_**ArkieR**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert.**

**Well, I think that was everyone. So here is the next chapter: Day 3. **

**Disclaimer: For the twelfth time, I do not own Artemis Fowl. Tear :'-C**

* * *

><p>It was the middle of the afternoon. It was a warm, sunny day. Angeline had wanted everyone to go to the beach that morning, but Artemis Jr. had managed to talk her out of it because according to Butler's phone (Angeline still had his confiscated) the nice weather was not to supposed to last. Artemis neglected to mention that the rain probably would not begin until late that evening. Oh well, she would figure it out eventually. So the morning had gone by uneventfully.<p>

Currently, Artemis Sr. and Angeline were cleaning up from lunch. With the help of Mulch, of course, who was more than happy to take care of any leftover scraps, much to the annoyance of Orion. The mastiff puppy, however, was preoccupied with be chased around the area by Beckett. Soon everyone else was playing with the dog, except Artemis Jr., who just made it look like he was participating so his parents would not make him do it for real.

Orion had just been sniffing around the forest edge and had come up with huge tree limb, at least an inch in diameter. The dog had clamped the branch in the center of his mouth, so there was about three feet of wood sticking out on each side of his head.

"Cool!" said Beckett, beaming at the dog. "Orion, come here!"

Orion barreled toward Beckett. He decided that the easiest path to the boy was to go between Artemis and Trouble, who were standing far enough apart that the dog would have plenty of room to pass. That is if he didn't have the stick. Which he did. One half slammed in Artemis just above his knees, knocking him forward onto his face. The other caught Trouble in the stomach, winding him and tipping him over onto his back. Orion, unfazed, kept running until he reached Beckett, then sat down, dropped the branch in front of him, and looked up expectantly while his stubby tail thumped on the ground.

Butler went to go check on Artemis and Trouble. Holly and Juliet were too busy laughing. Once he saw that they were getting up, he went over by Orion. Butler sighed, picked up the stick, and snapped it in half so it would do less damage. Butler's intention was for the dog to play with the half of the branch that he still had in his hand, not the half that he had tossed away into the woods, but Orion had already taken off after the one that had been thrown.

Laughing, Beckett grabbed Myles's arm and they both ran after Orion, although Myles was really half fast walking, half being dragged. Juliet and Holly jogged after them, and No1 and Foaly followed. Trouble and Artemis brushed themselves off and calmly walked in the direction the rest of the group had disappeared, with Butler beside them.

Orion bounded over a small slope in the ground and into the ditch where the branch had landed. A few seconds later, Myles and Beckett came to the spot. Not noticing that there was a drop-off until the very last second, Beckett stumbled at the edge in attempt to stop but Myles slammed into him, sending them both tumbling down the slanted side until they landed in front of Orion. However, the incline was short and the ditch at the bottom of it was heavily vegetated so neither twin was hurt. Juliet and Holly ran down with them. Holly pet Orion while Juliet knelt down to receive a hug from a smiling Beckett. Myles was just starting to get up. A few seconds later No1 and Foaly appeared at the top of the five foot drop-off. No1 carefully slid down the side, but Foaly just stayed where he was. Holly did not like that it looked like he trying extremely hard not to laugh.

"Why do you have that stupid smirk on your face?" asked Holly suspiciously.

Foaly was about to respond when Artemis, Trouble, and Butler arrived. Artemis went nearer to the ditch, but looked down at immediately pulled back. Butler looked down and just sighed again.

"Oh," said Trouble, glancing at Holly and everyone else in the ditch.

"What?" asked No1.

"Look where you're standing," Artemis replied simply.

"Yeah, we know, we're standing in a ditch. Just because you wouldn't be able to climb out doesn't mean that we can't," said Holly, rolling her eyes.

By this time, Myles had gotten up and taken in his surroundings. He immediately gasped and scrambled up the incline with surprising agility. He ran over to Artemis but Butler stopped him, using his shoe to block him. When Myles was stopped he realized the good decision that Butler had made. Butler had just stopped him from making this Artemis's problem as well. Myles looked up at Butler and nodded appreciatively. He had been laying in the ditch so he had to be covered in it.

Juliet had listened to Artemis looked at her feet. She groaned. _Seriously? I trained with Madame Ko for years! Has that taught me nothing about being aware of my surroundings? I can practically hear her scolding me now._ She peered up at her older brother with a look of misery on her face. He just glanced back down at her with a look that read: _Really?_

To clarify for Beckett and No1, who were just confused, and Holly, who was watching Butler intercept Myles and shake his head at Juliet, Foaly spoke up. He only needed to say five words.

"You're standing in poison ivy."

That statement caused Holly and No1 to freeze for two seconds, then spring out of the ivy patch. Beckett had no intention of leaving, so Juliet scooped him up while she was walking out and carried him and Myles back to the campsite. It took about fifteen seconds of Foaly snickering behind Holly's back for her to turn around and slap him. A new record.

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><p>Everyone who had been in the poison ivy changed their clothes when they got back to the campsite. Angeline and Artemis Sr. had taken the tainted clothes and had left to go get them cleaned. Butler was treating everyone who had been in contact with the plant. That included Foaly, since Holly had slapped him. Butler had picked up a first aid kit, poison ivy medicine, mosquito bite soother, and many other medical products when he had gone shopping after they had lost all their food. He just had a feeling they would come in handy. Much to Butler's horror, as the only two people who were not preoccupied at the moment, Artemis Jr. and Trouble had been put in charge of starting the bonfire. Mulch was not a fan of fire so he had opted to give Orion a bath in the dog brand of the poison ivy medicine instead.<p>

Artemis and Trouble had been sitting around the fire pit for about twenty minutes. Trouble had tried to light the fire about twelve times but before he could ever strike the match Artemis would want to move the sticks around or determine the wind direction or something frustratingly unnecessary so Trouble told him to do it himself then, albeit with much more colorful language.

So now Trouble was just watching Artemis crouch by the fire pit and fail repeatedly. There was no longer a real need for kindling since they could just use the half burnt matches or the ones that Artemis had not even been able to strike. Artemis had just assembled a teepee structure for the eighth time and positioned himself so he would be blocking the hopefully-soon-to-be fire from the wind.

"Well, aren't you a good little boy scout?" asked Trouble from over Artemis's shoulder.

Artemis had stopped responding to Trouble's commentary about ten minutes ago. Artemis held his breath and struck the match. It lit, which was more than he could say about the last several attempts. He moved the match into the center of the structure and dropped it into the pile of matches and twigs. Unfortunately, he missed and ended up dropping it into the ashes of the last fire, where it promptly went out.

"Oh, _come on_!" yelled Trouble. "Are you seriously incapable of doing this? You've been accepted into and taken classes in every Ivy League and big name college there is before even graduating _high school_, and can't figure out how to light a campfire? You have got to be kidding me!"

"I'm trying," growled Artemis. "And you distracting me is not going to speed things up."

"Fine, I'll be quiet for now," said Trouble. He cocked one eyebrow at the fuming teen. "But I'm giving you one more match and then I'm calling for help."

Artemis glanced down at the matchbox in his hand.

"There's only one match left."

"What?" asked Trouble, staring at Artemis in disbelief. "But it was _full_!"

"I'm aware of that, thank you," glowered Artemis.

"Okay, time for Plan B," said Trouble, walking towards the supplies. He returned with a jug of gasoline and poured it all over the firewood. "Tell me you can at least light gasoline."

Artemis lit the last match and tossed it into the fire pit. The gas, and in effect the wood, lit. It did, however, initially create more of a fireball than campfire, but it died down after a few seconds. Unfortunately, in the excitement of actually having some success, Artemis and Trouble had neglected to back away from the firewood before lighting it.

The pair flew backwards. Trouble's face and arms felt very hot, but upon his examination they did not appear to be burnt. Artemis was standing closer than Trouble to fire, and had not been so lucky. Trouble saw Artemis gaping in horror, one hand covering the right side of his face.

"What?" asked Trouble. "Are you okay?"

"Am I missing an eyebrow?" Artemis asked slowly, moving his fingers away from his forehead.

Trouble dropping to the ground and nearly asphyxiating from laughter was all the answer Artemis needed.

The giant flames had been pretty hard to miss, and now Butler, Juliet, Mulch, Holly, and Foaly had arrived at the scene, leaving No1 to watch after Orion and the twins. Butler's hand flew to cover his mouth upon seeing Artemis. Juliet, Holly, Mulch, and Foaly joined Trouble on the ground. Juliet got up after a few minutes, when Artemis looked like he was ready to cry. She threw her arm around his shoulder and started walking him back to the tent she shared with Holly.

"Come on, Arty," she said, trying not to laugh too hard. "It's not that bad. It'll grow back. Besides, it's almost dark out, so I'm sure no one will be able to tell the difference if I just draw it back on with eyeliner."

For some reason, that just caused the laughter to grow louder and Artemis's cheeks to turn redder, if either of those things were actually possible.

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><p><strong>Okay, so there's that chapter. Next one will come sooner and be about their last night. Poor, Arty, can he even survive this trip? Well, a lot of boys use make up nowadays. Kind of.<strong>

**Anyway, that's done. You know the drill. Review, favorite, or follow, and you get a mention! Yay!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	13. Night Skies

**7/15/13 – **

**Hi again! So this chapter is about everyone's last night at camp. Also, it's the second last chapter in the story. I took the suggestion poll down now, and I'm happy to report that everything that got a vote was included (I counted 'burn something down as Artemis's lost eyebrow)! Or will be in one of these next two chapters. See, silly people, your opinions do matter! Before I forget…**

**Disclaimer: After all this, do you truly still believe that I own Artemis Fowl. What are you people, goblins?**

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers:**

_**ArkieR**_

_**GreatReader3**_

_**LittleRedRiddingWolf**_

_**SnowFlower Frost**_

_**Juliegirl22**_

_**44Lefty**_

_**ilovedis**_

_**Artyluv39 **_**(aka **_**GryffieQueenOfKinkow39**_**)**

_**ElectricSunfall**_

_**randomosity4arty**_

**And to:**

_**I am that Writer **_**– for putting me on Author Alert.**

_**ElectricSunfall **_**– for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author. WOW, YOU DID ALL THAT AND REVIEWED! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY AN AWESOME PERSON! :-D**

_**randomosity4arty **_**– for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making this a Favorite Story.**

_**GryffieQueenofKinkow39 **_**– for putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert ****AND ****making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author. CHECK IT OUT EVERYONE, ANOTHER AMAZING PERSON WHO DID ALL FOUR THINGS AND REVIEWED! XD**

**Onwards to the story!**

* * *

><p><em>11:00 p.m. <em>

Everyone was sitting around the campfire. Trouble, Holly, and Mulch had managed to calm down for long enough to giddily explain to Artemis's family what had happened with the Artemis's eyebrow upon their return. Angeline reacted with sympathy, whereas Beckett joined in on the hysterical laughter and Myles snickered a bit. Foaly and No1 could have sworn that they had even seen Artemis Sr. biting back a smile. Juliet had done a remarkable job on drawing on Artemis's eyebrow and now it was so dark that no one could tell the difference anymore. Currently, Beckett was asleep on Angeline's lap. Everyone else was enjoying some hobo pies, which had been beautifully prepared by the Butlers. Artemis bit down into one.

"Well, would you look at that irony?" said Mulch, around mouthfuls of a pizza style one. Despite his hatred of fire, he had been forced to cook it himself since the Butler had refused to make him any more after he had asked for a fourth. "One of the richest families in Ireland enjoying _hobo_ pies."

"They're actually not half bad," admitted Artemis.

"Keep in mind that you do have someone who's trained in cooking making them," said No1.

"Yeah, that's probably a contributing factor," said Foaly.

"You're just happy that we're not eating marshmallows again," pointed out Juliet.

"I swear I've never had that issue before!" Foaly protested. "Mud Men vegetarian marshmallows must be stickier than the ones in Haven."

"Yeah, I'm sure that was the problem," said Holly, cutting her third cherry hobo pie in half to split with Angeline.

"And could you please stop calling us Mud Men?" asked Myles. "It's kind of insulting, like the term mudblood."

"Harry Potter fan?" asked Juliet.

Myles shrugged. "I've read the books a few times. I haven't gotten around to the movies yet though."

"You better not have," said Angeline. "Some of those movies are PG-13."

A beep from Trouble's phone interrupted the conversation. He glanced at the message, rolled his eyes, quickly typed a response, and slipped it back into his pocket.

"Who was that?" asked Artemis Sr.

"Grub, my little brother. He's on patrol with Chix Verbil tonight. He's whining about me getting surface time while he's on the job. I told him that maybe if he hadn't used all his vacation and sick days on resting when he stubbed his toe…"

"Aw, is he going to go cry to Mummy or the Council?" asked Foaly, jutting out his lower lip in a mock pout.

"Probably both," admitted Trouble. The phone beeped again. Trouble smirked at Holly from across the fire. "Chix says that he misses you deeply and he's sure you're looking gorgeous as always."

Artemis slapped a hand over his mouth to hide his smile so Holly wouldn't murder him.

"Tell Verbil that if he keeps flirting on the job he'll get himself shot again," replied Holly through gritted teeth.

"I will let him know," responded Trouble.

Myles yawned, then so did Artemis Sr. and No1.

"We should all probably go to bed soon," said Butler.

The group nodded in consent. No1 leaned back in his chair and cast his eyes up at the stars. It was a relatively clear night with only a few clouds beginning to roll in, so the stars were all still visible. He saw a streak of gold arc across the sky.

"Shooting star!" he called, pointing up. Ten more heads immediately shot up just in time to catch the tail of the star speed out of view.

"Make a wish," smiled Angeline, hugging the still sound asleep Beckett.

Everyone made their wishes. Angeline wished for family health, Butler for the Fowl's being able to keep themselves out of danger, Juliet for winning a fight against Butler for real, Artemis Sr. for luck with business and stocks, Holly for never being on a mission with Chix again, Trouble for Grub to shut up and man up, Mulch for more food, Myles for a better science kit and lab, Foaly for it to be easier to break down Artemis's firewalls, Artemis Jr. that Opal Koboi would truly never come back, and No1 for everyone else's wishes to come true. They all sat there for a few more minutes before slowly retiring to bed.

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><p><em>3:00 a.m.<em>

BOOM!

Butler shot straight up, immediately alert, despite hitting his head on the tent and one of its poles. Butler felt his head; it was wet. Not warm wet, like blood, but cold wet, like ice water. He felt the side of the tent and his sleeping bag, which was pressed against the side. Both drenched. Then Butler heard the loud sound of sheets of rain hitting the tent. Everything in the tent was illuminated momentarily from a bolt of lightning. Butler started counting. On – BOOM! Less than one second between thunder and lightning meant that the storm was definitely right upon them, if that was not clear enough already. Butler unzipped the shade on the window to see if Juliet or Holly had been woken up by the downpour. He saw two pairs of eyes staring back at him through the window of the girls' tent, who were checking to see if he was awake.

"Car?" Juliet yelled to him over the rain and wind, just as lightning struck again.

Butler waited for a second until the thunder died down. "Yes!" he called back.

Artemis moaned a few seconds later and started to stir. Butler gently shook Myles and Beckett.

"Get up, boys," said Butler. "We have to move to the car."

"Why?" asked Beckett rubbing his eyes.

"Because it's raining and there's thunder and lightning," Butler responded.

"So?"

"It's not safe to be in a tent."

"Why?"

"We have no insulation from the electricity, and there are trees and a flagpole nearby, which makes it more likely for lightning to strike here. And the poles in the tent are made of metal," said Myles, slipping his shoes on.

"The car is made of metal," argued Beckett.

"The car has rubber tires," yawned Myles.

"Alright, let's go," said Artemis, bracing himself. They did not have any jackets or umbrellas in the tent, so they were just going to have to make a run for it.

Butler unzipped the door and they all ran out, Butler quickly zipping the door closed behind them in an attempt to save their belongings inside. It was hard to see through the rain and darkness, but lightning was flashing often enough to allow them to find the cars. Angeline was already in the passenger seat of one van, hands out towards the heater. Artemis Sr. was still outside because he was opening the back door to let Orion jump in. Artemis Jr., Myles, and Beckett sprinted across the field and in through the open door as Artemis Sr. slammed it behind them and got in the driver's seat.

Meanwhile, the members of Trouble's tent had awakened and fled to the other van. No1 was stilling running towards the van, being a bit slower than everyone else. Trouble, Mulch, and Foaly, however, were swearing and pulling desperately on the doors of the locked van, now having no shelter from the elements. Mulch would have simply picked the lock, but it was raining so hard that it would have been too wet for his beard hairs to stiffen. Butler pulled out his keys and unlocked the car just as Juliet and Holly emerged. Holly gave a little scream as, blinded by rain, she tripped over one of the tent cords and fell face first into a mud puddle. Juliet turned back for her, yanked her to her feet, and they both took off again towards the vans. Trouble opened the back door for Holly and Butler reached over to open the passenger side one for Juliet as the two girls dove in. Everyone, breathing hard and soaked to the bone, took a second to gather themselves. Holly started wiping the mud layer off of her face. Foaly looked at her.

"Come on, Holly," he said seriously. "This is no time for a spa treatment; you're supposed to be roughing it while camping."

He and the other passengers sniggered a bit, and then they received a few punches and Holly's infamous death glare, so they decided to remain quiet for now and just wring themselves out and go to sleep.

In the other car, Orion looked up at the three dripping wet brothers huddled together on the row of seats above him.

"Orion, no!" said Artemis hurriedly, sensing what was coming.

Orion ignored him and proceeded to shake, spraying all of the Fowls in mud, grass, and more water. The family was able to dry themselves off to a bearable amount, and then curled up to go to sleep. Artemis rested his head against Beckett's and Myles clung to his other side.

"Ew, Artemis!" said Beckett, squirming. "I think your eyebrow is dripping on me!"

Artemis wiped the leftover makeup off his forehead. "Don't talk about it," he said miserably.

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><p><strong>Well there you go everyone. One. Chapter. Left. Do you know what that means? This is your last chance to get a mention! So review people!<strong>

**That's all for now, I really need to go to bed. Lucky for me it's nice and dry here!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


	14. Soft Kitty

**7/25/13 – **

**Hi everyone! Today is my birthday, so I decided to do my last update for this story. Yes, this is the last chapter :'-C Oh, and I just checked and this story has 17 FREAKING PAGES OF REVIEWS! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I'm even happy to report that some names from this list are the same as some from the first list, in the second chapter. Speaking of which, here is the last mentions list for Campout.**

**Thank you to my amazing reviewers: **

_**randomosity4arty**_

_**artykid288**_

_**WolfButler**_

_**LittleRedRiddingWolf**_

_**44Lefty**_

_**Opal Koboi Fowl**_

_**SnowFlower Frost**_

_**I am that Writer**_

_**GryffieQueenOfKinkow39**_

_**Tommy B**_

_**ArtemisLover**_

_**Juliegirl22**_

_**Bookworm1756**_

_**music lovah**_

**and 1 Guest. Also thanks to:**

_**SmartieBlondie**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert.**

_**Opal Koboi Fowl**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** putting this on Story Alert ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author ****AND**** putting me on Author Alert :-D HEY EVERYONE CHECK OUT THIS COMPLETELY AWESOME PERSON WHO DID ALL FOUR THINGS AND REVIEWED! YOU'RE SO COOL :-D**

_**artykid288**_** – for making this a Favorite Story ****AND**** making me a Favorite Author.**

_**Wizard101Girl12**_** – for making this a Favorite Story.**

_**jmtl888**_** – putting this on Story Alert.**

**Disclaimer: No, Artemis Fowl is not mine. I have to admit, that is probably a good thing because my favorite character is Opal so some stuff would have gone down differently…**

**On to the final chapter!**

* * *

><p>Everybody had slept in reasonably the next morning. Well, almost everyone. Butler had woken up when the first ray of light from the rising sun had reached the car. Juliet had started to wake up, then she opened her eyes enough to see that it was still sprinkling outside so she rolled over in the passenger seat and went back to sleep. Butler got out of the car and retrieved some blankets and sleeping bags from the tents. He then used duct tape to secure the blankets over the windows and windshields of both cars so the sun would not wake up anyone else. He knew that the duct tape would at least leave sticky residue on the cars if it did not take off the first layer of paint, but he figured that so long as he returned the vans, no one at the rental place would say anything.<p>

Juliet, Holly, and Artemis Sr. woke up a few hours later, after the rain had completely stopped. Juliet and Holly cleared everything out of their tent and put what they did not need in the trunk. Most of their belongings were still dry since they had not been pressed against the edge of the tent and the girls had zipped the tent up before bolting to the car. Butler cleaned up his and Angeline and Artemis Sr.'s tents, since Artemis Sr. was the only Fowl awake and he was taking Orion on a morning walk.

Mulch and No1 woke up when Juliet opened the trunk, flooding the van with light. Trouble and Foaly woke up when she slammed the door down again. They got up and went to their tent to start gathering their things. Once there, Foaly immediately noticed a problem. He just shook his head.

"Oh, really?" he asked. "Who was the last one out of the tent last night?"

"I think it was No1," yawned Trouble.

"No," said No1. "I was the last one to the car. Mulch was the last one out of the tent."

"Well way to go, convict," said Foaly, aiming a kick at him. "You left the door open. Now everything's drenched."

There was a chorus of groans as they entered the tent.

"Wow," said Trouble. "There are still even puddles of water on the ground."

"Gee, sorry," said Mulch, rolling his eyes. "In the lightning storm closing the door wasn't really at the top of my priority list."

They pulled their sleeping bags out of the tent to roll them up since the tent was flooded. The ground was wet too, but at least there was more room to spread out. Mulch shook his sleeping bag to get some of the water out. About fifty ants came out too. Mulch dropped the sack and unzipped it so it became more of a comforter, revealing about a hundred more ants.

"Seriously?" he yelled at the cluster of ants as he swept them off his sleeping bag.

"What did you think was going to happen if you ate food in your sleeping bag every night and then left the tent door open?" asked No1, gently brushing an ant that had landed on him when Mulch shook the bag.

Mulch was about to respond to that when Angeline emerged from the van. She was smiling. Artemis Sr. walked out from the woods with Orion.

"Timmy!" called Angeline. "Come, look, how cute our boys are right now!"

This, of course, drew everyone over to the car. They all squeezed into the front two seats of the car. Artemis was still asleep, lying across the backseat on his side. Myles was sleeping on top of his side, looking as though he was giving Artemis a big bear hug. Beckett was curled up next to Artemis, snuggled into his chest. Artemis had his arms wrapped protectively around Beckett to make sure he did not fall. There were several 'awwww' sounds and everyone's phones came out. Even Butler had to snap a picture. Then Myles shifted and Artemis started to stir.

"Back, back, back," whispered Holly quickly, pushing her way out of the cramped vehicle.

They all piled out quickly and shut the doors. Artemis emerged from the van a few minutes later.

"What?" he asked Juliet, who was just staring at him with a goofy smile on her face.

"Oh, nothing," she replied, turning around to help her brother with starting breakfast.

Artemis decided to just let it drop. For now.

"I think we should start going in groups to bathhouses now and take turns showering while the others eat breakfast," said Angeline.

"I agree," said Holly. "I need one. I still have some dirt caked onto my face from last night."

"Me, Holly, and Angeline first!" called Juliet, handing her plate to Butler and grabbing her shower stuff, which she had placed next to car, not in the trunk.

The boys ate their breakfast while the girls were gone. They came back about thirty minutes later.

"Where were you?" asked Butler.

"We were about to send someone to go looking for you," added No1.

"Beauty takes time," responded Juliet. "Oh, and there's a line, so I'd hurry it up if I were you."

Artemis Sr. quickly went down with the twins who had just woken up. When they came back, Butler walked down there with Mulch and No1, since Mulch was still deemed unfit to watch after No1 on his own and nobody wanted Butler going last since that would mean that they had to pack up everything without him. When they finally came back, Artemis Jr., Trouble, and Foaly were the only ones left to go.

So the three of them sat around the entrance to bathhouses, obviously all in human form. They had been there for a while, but now they were next in line. Artemis was on his phone. His parents did not really care, since everyone was leaving right after they returned. Suddenly Artemis froze and slowly looked up at Foaly.

Artemis was on .gnom, on the fairy internet. He was currently looking at the picture on the homepage, which was of him asleep in his car with Myles and Beckett. It was posted an hour ago and it already had two thousand four hundred and thirteen views and eight hundred and forty two comments.

"_Brotherly Love_," said Artemis, reading the caption. "I'm going to kill you."

The calmness with which he said that is what scared Foaly the most.

"Oh, look, a shower stall just opened up," said Foaly, charging into it and locking the door behind him.

"I get the next one," said Trouble.

"No," said Artemis, putting his phone in a plastic bag. "I would assume that you too were quite creepily watching me sleep, so it's only fair that I get to use the next available one so we're even."

"Since when do _you_ take into account what's fair?" asked Trouble in disbelief.

"For Foaly's safety I think it's best for me to be in the shower instead of waiting here for him to get out," said Artemis seriously.

Just then a man exited one of the showers. He looked like a hobo, with stringy, long hair and somewhat torn clothes. Worst of all, he was barefoot, and both Artemis and Trouble could clearly see the foot fungus growing between his tows.

"You know, you're right," said Trouble. "It's all yours."

"No, thank you," said Artemis, trying to get the look of disgust off his face. "I'll just wait for the next one."

Eventually, two more stalls opened up and Artemis and Trouble showered. All three of them walked back together, Foaly being cautious to keep Trouble between him and Artemis the whole time. When they arrived at the campsite, everything had already been loaded into the cars. They threw their bathing products and dirty clothes into the trunks of the vans they were riding in and took one last look around to make sure they hadn't left anything behind. Juliet quickly pulled Artemis aside and redrew his eyebrow on before she got in the car. The fairies piled into the row of seats behind her, now fairy sized again so they would all fit. Artemis Sr. and Angeline were already waiting in the other van, with Myles in back. Beckett had gone off into the woods to play. Butler, Orion, and Artemis Jr. were the only two left outside.

"Beckett!" called Butler. "Come back! It's time to go!"

There was silence for a second, but then the bushes rustled and Beckett skipped through. He was holding something.

"Butler, Arty, look!" he yelled excitedly, brandishing the object. "I found a kitty walking around in the woods! It's so soft!"

Angeline gasped in shock and started to get out of the car, but Artemis Sr. grabbed her arm. Juliet had both hands covering her mouth. Everyone in the cars had wide eyes fixed on Beckett. Holly had a look of horror on her face, but it did not come close to rivaling the one on Artemis Jr.'s.

The 'kitty' was all black with one white stripe going across its back.

"Skunks are nocturnal," lectured Artemis. "This one must have been flushed out of its den by the rain last night."

"Shhhhhh," hissed Butler, putting on a fake smile for Beckett. "Beckett, can you carefully put the kitty down and come over here please?"

"But I want to keep it!" said Beckett, stomping his foot.

"Sorry, Beck, you can't keep it," said Butler. "Cats and dogs don't get along, right? You wouldn't want Orion to be sad, would you?"

Beckett pouted but set the skunk down and started to walk the reasonably long distance over to Butler and Artemis. Butler was just about to relax when Beckett got three quarters of the way to them, until he noticed Orion sniffing the skunk, which had not run off into the forest like he had expected.

"Orion…" said Artemis worriedly.

Orion barked at the skunk. The animal whipped around and sprayed him before fleeing back into the underbrush. The mastiff whimpered and yelped, bolting back towards Butler and the Fowls. Artemis flew backwards into car, gagging. His speed would have impressed Butler had Butler not been preoccupied with failing to stop Beckett from hugging the traumatized dog.

"Ew, Orion," blanched Beckett. "You smell awful."

Since leaving the reeking Beckett and Orion behind was not an option, Butler had managed to shift some of the belongings in the trunk of the Fowls' van to make room for Orion there. He had also used a wet cloth to wash out Orion's eyes. Beckett had to sit in the back of the rented car with his brothers, who spent the ride with their heads hanging out the window. Juliet sprayed Butler down with her perfume until he was deemed bearable enough to drive the other van.

A few days later, the next picture for the home page on .gnom was stolen from the Fowl Manor security cameras, depicting Artemis Jr. and Butler giving Orion and Beckett a tomato juice bath in their backyard. It quickly became the number one most viewed image on the fairy web, knocking the one of Artemis sleeping to number two and the video of Juliet beating the stuffing out of a jumbo pixie from a few years ago to number three.

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><p><strong>Well, what did you think? That's the end. I hope you all enjoyed reading the story as much as I did writing it! Thank you all so much for your endless support, I love you guys!<strong>

**I do plan on writing more fanfiction, the next one will probably be an Opal-centric oneshot and that's all I'm telling you right now! Also please go vote on my profile for who your favorite Artemis Fowl character is. I'm really interested to know. Right now Opal is winning with one vote that I may or may not have cast.**

**Well, then goodnight everyone, I hope to hear your thoughts on this!**

**Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P**


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